AVS 1: Catching Flights

VIII

Chapter 8 : Never Fall

"Clay!" sigaw ko nang makita siya sa bahay nina Liya kinabukasan. Napagpasyahan kasi namin nina Doll na tumambay doon habang hinihintay si ate. Sabi niya kasi magagabihan daw siya sa klase kaya nagpaalam kaming kina Liya muna at dito nalang kami sunduin.

Gulat itong napalingon sa akin mula sa malaking pintuan ng tanggapan nina Liya. Hindi ako nag-atubiling lapitan siya. Kaya lang, nang makalapit ako ay sumenyas ito sa akin na sundan ko siya bago pumihit sa isang direksyon. Dumaan kami sa back door sa kusina at namangha sa nakitang garden. All the time na andito kami ni Doll ay kung hindi sa sala ay sa kwarto lang kami ni Liya tumatambay kaya naman namangha ako sa ganda ng garden nila.

Nang maalala ang tunay na pakay ay tumayo ako ng tuwid at inayos ang sarili bago tumikhim. Tumingin si Clay direkta sa mata ko, kaya agad akong pinamulahan at napatingin sa lupa. "Uh, kasi, tatanungin ko lang kung may natanggap ka bang handwritten letter kahapon..." panimula ko.

"If you're pertaining to the one you've written, then yes. However you should know two points in the first place. One, is that I am goal-driven and I do not in any way accept admirers. Secondly..." binitin niya ang kaniyang sinabi kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya.

Nakatingin ito sa malayong gilid niya at sabay na pinasadahan niya ng kamay ang buhok habang bumuntong hininga. "...I'd never fall in love. Not in this lifetime, I'm certain of that."

I didn't realise that my mouth was left hanging because of awe. Saka ko lamang muling nahila ang sarili pabalik sa realidad nang makitang umaambang aalis si Clay sa harap ko. "Wait!" I exclaimed out of impulse and held his arm. Agad ko naman iotng binitawan sa kahihiyan at nanatili siyang nakatalikod sa akin. "You have read the whole content of the letter, right? Look Clay, I really like you. I don't even think if 'like' could ever suffice what I truly feel but you made me feel wonderful things. So could you please, please, just let me pour my feelings out? Spare an effort or two for you just to express what I really feel. I will never ask for anything in return, I promise. Hell! You could even never return anything at all. It's just that, it's the first time that I ever felt this way and I want to give my best and take a chance. I want to do this with no regrets, so I'm willing to give my best shot. Just let me."

Humugot siya ng napakalalim na hininga na para bang may pinipigilan bago iritadong lumingon pabalik sa akin. "Look, I already told you my two cents earlier. Honestly speaking, I really did appreciate your effort for personally writing me a letter, but that's just it. No more, no less. I don't even know how you managed to convince that devil of a cousin of mine to touch my things or go close to my proximity. Nevertheless, if I were you, I'd rather focus on following the path towards my dream than spend it on someone who cannot even give anything in return." Naninimbang ang kaniyang mga matang nakatingin sa akin.

Napakagat ako ng mariin sa aking mga labi bago bumuo ng isang matibay na pasya. Tiningnan ko siya ng may sincerity sa aking mga mata. "I really value your appreciation for what I did as well as the advice you have given me. However, as much as I want to be obedient, my feelings are much stronger than any words of restraint coming from you. I really want to try my best but I do not want to disrespect the privacy and safe space of others as well. So if that is your decision, with a heavy heart, I could do nothing but accept it. But please, do not stop me when I want to occasionally give effort to showcase my feelings. Rest assured, I'll do that for only a certain amount of time. Hayaan mo lang ako na paminsan-minsang maglaan ng oras para sa 'yo, hanggang sa mawala ang nararamdaman ko. Sure, it won't be an easy task, but I'll do it." I smiled sadly at the thought of letting him go.

I looked at the pink hues brought by the after-sunset. It's such a wonderful feeling to like or even love him as early as this, but sadly, that love is also taken away from me immediately that I didn't even have the opportunity to feel the warmth that it brought.

He shrugged his shoulders at tuluyan na ngang naglakad papasok sa bahay nina Liya, palayo sa akin. Agad akong sumunod sa kaniya at sadyang dinaanan ang path na kaniya ring dinaanan, step by step at walang pinalagpas na kahit maliit na bato na dinaanan niya kahit na malawak naman ang daan na tinatahak. Napansin niya siguro ito kaya huminto siya sa bukana ng back door.

"Why are you specifically trailing the path that I've just walked through?" taas kilay nitong tanong habang nakahalukipkip. I looked down even more, that I was able to see my shoes.

"Sabi mo kasi kanina na mas mabuting sundin ko nalang ang path patungo sa pangarap ko, sinunod lang naman kita, ikaw pangarap ko e, I subconsciously said.

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marealise ang huling sinabi. "Hala , hindi! Sorry, subconscious ko 'yon! Hindi ko nga namalayan na sinundan ko pala ang dinadaanan mo. Pasensya ka na, gusto ko lang din pumasok sa sala nina Liya. Niwan ko kasi ang bag ko doon at baka nag-text na si ate na tapos na siya sa klase niya," kabado kong saad habang nagdarasal na tanggapin niya ang ginawa kong palusot.

He smirked at me. "Sure, sabi mo e." Then proceeded to enter the house. Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag matapos no'n at saktong nag-text nga si ate pagkakuha ko sa phone ko. Maaga natapos ang klase nila kaya makakauwi kami agad. Ipinagpasalamat ko 'yon, dahil hindi ko yata kakayanin na magtagal muna sa isang lugar kasama si Clay, lalo na at fresh pa sa isipan ko ang nangyaring confrontation kanina.