AVS 1: Catching Flights

XXIV

Chapter 24 : I'm Sorry

"So, mag-isa ka talaga sa bahay niyo?" Liya asked when she asked me out. Nandito kami ngayon sa isang café around the city lang din. Magmula kasi no'ng insidente ay ramdam ko ang pag-iwas talaga ni Doll sa akin. As much as I want to apologise, I can't find the right time kasi ni hibla ng buhok niya ay hindi ko mahagilap. Mabuti nalang at nag-text si Liya para makipagkita, dahil kung hindi ay mamamatay na yata ako sa pagkaburyo dahil summer na.

"Kumusta naman siya?" I asked her. Napatingin ito sa akin.

"Alam mo bang hinanap ka niya sa akin? Ilang buwan ka nang hindi nagpakita sa kaniya. No'ng may pasok ka pa, sinisigurado mong 'di ka niya makikita. Actually, no'ng one week after ka niyang hindi Makita, hinanap ka na niya sa akin. But I couldn't tell him your exact situation, after all, it's your family's privacy."

Nangunot ang noo ko. "Him? I was talking about Doran Llena. Kayo kasi ang napapansin kong magkasama lagi." Nanlaki naman ang mga mata nito sa sinabi ko.

"W-well, I thought you were asking about my good-for-nothing cousin. Wow! This is new. We all know how crazy you are with him. So, I just concluded that that question was about him. But, Doll's fine. Unusually silent, but she's fine."

I went silent for a while as I sipped my French Vanilla Latte. "Hmm, that's good to hear. And regarding your cousin, forget that I ever had a phase where I went crazy for him. He's last season."

She smiled, "That's great news. Thought you'll never get over him."

I gave her a stiff smile. "After what he did? Surely narinig mo na sa ibang mga estudyante ang nangyari so I won't be recalling that incident for you. But that was the last straw, I'm getting over him now, and I think I'm doing better with it."

She held my hand that was on the table. "I'm happy for you... really... I never thought such a day would come; but thank goodness you're now back to reality. You never saw how destructive you were back when you started crushing him, even more so, loving him."

"I'm glad to. Hopefully he'll completely be removed from my system before junior year starts."

"But there's a chance that you'll still be seeing him." Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi ni Liya.

"Why?" Nagkibit ito ng balikat. "Well, I don't know what happened, but despite his outstanding scholastic records, experiences, and skills, he would be following the traditional timeline. You know, 4 years for an undergraduate degree and 2 years in flight school."

"I thought he'll be pursuing his first year of flight school kasabay no'ng 4th year niya?" Kinumpas nito ang kamay niya. "I don't really know. Narinig ko lang na pinag-usapan no'ng nag-family dinner kami. It's not like I give a fuck about him."

Inubos ko ang iniinom na kape bago nagligpit ng gamit. "Ooh well, I don't give a damn now. Madelay siya o kung ano man, wala na akong pakialam do'n. Hindi niya rin naman ako makikita. He'll be busy with flight school and I will do everything in my power to avoid him. Kung hindi lang talaga gusto nina mama na tapusin ko sa PATTS ang aeronautical para kay ate ay hindi ako mananatili doon."

I stood up and gave her a small smile. "I'll be going first, Li. Kindly send Doll my regards and tell her that I miss her."

Tumango ito sa akin at matipid na ngumiti. "I'll try to talk to her again. Baka mas kalmado na siyang makipag-usap tungkol sa nangyari kaysa no'ng huli ko siyang kinausap no'ng nakaraang araw."

I mouthed 'thank you' bago tuluyang nilisan ang coffee shop.

I rolled on my bed a few times bago naisipang magsend ng text kay Doll.

My Doll <3

Hey, Doll. I'm really really sorry for the way I acted last time. I know I am such a jerk for lashing my frustrations towards you. I hope you could forgive me. I miss talking to you.

I pressed my lips on the phone as I patiently waited for her response. Although it sounds impossible for her to respond to me, still, I have that clinging little hope that one day, she can still forgive me for my shortcomings.

Agaran namang narinig ang matagal ko nang panalangin nang mag-ring ang telepono ko. Mabilis lang ang ginawa kong pagsipat sa pangalan at wala pang isang segundong sinagot ang tawag galing kay Doll.

"Kinausap ako ni Liya," bungad nito sa kabilang linya.

Huminga ako ng malalim, "Doll╼"

Hindi ko pa natapos ang sasabihin nang putulin niya ito. "Ano? Magso-sorry ka na naman?" Napalunok ako sa sinabi nito.

"Of course, I forgive you! Nasaktan at na-offend lang talaga ako do'n sa sinabi mo, but still, naisip ko na I wouldn't let our lifetime of frienship and cousinship go to waste 'no!" Masigla ang boses nito habang nagsasalita.

Napahinga naman ako ng maluwag at 'di napigilang tumulo ang luha sa sinabi niya. "Thank you so muc, Doll. Your apology means everything to me."

"Dzuh, palibhasa alam na alam mo pa'no ako kunin e." Napatawa naman ako sa inasta nito. "Per kidding aside, sinabi sa akin ni Liya lahat ng napag-usapan niyo sa coffee shop. Mabuti at natauhan ka nang gaga ka!"

I scoffed at her. "Well. let's just say na after no'n, narealize kong hndi siya worth it. Isama nalang natin 'yon sa teenage mistakes ko."

"Anong teenage mistakes sinasabi mo? Hoy mag-fo-fourth year ka na nga sa college, teenage ka pa diyan. Adulting mistakes 'yon tanga." Hindi ko na pinatulan pa ang sinabi nito at imbes ay sinakyan nalang.

Tumagal pa ng ilang oras ang pag-uusap namin ni Doll. hindi na nawala do'n ang asaran, at siyempre ang patuloy na paghingi ko ng tawad kahit pa sinabi niyang napatawad na niya ako dahil alam kong nasaktan ko talaga siya ng husto sa mga sinabi ko. But, at the end of the day, I feel greatly relieved and happy. Kasi finally, napatawad na ak ng nag-iisang taong lubos na nakakakilala sa akin ng husto maliban kay ate Ice. and I am happy that we reconnected again.

Siguro, this is the positive impact of removing Clay from my system and from my life. Nngayon ko lang narealize na nakakabuti pala ng husto sa akin ang mawala siya. Sana lang ay magpatuloy na ito dahil wala na akong planong ulitin pa ang pagkakamali ko noon. 'Yon ay ang pagkahumaling sa kaniya at ang pag-iisp sa kaniya na higit pa sa pag-iisip ko no'n kina ate at Doll, siyempre kasama na ro'n ang pagsisisi kong inuuna ko siya lagi kaysa sa sarili.

This time, it will just be me, ate, Doll, and Liya. No more thoughts of Clay Cole. Isa lang siyang virus sa sistema ko na kailangan tanggalin para hindi makasama pa lalo.