{Banana Smoothie} ✔️

Chapter 93

June 5th

Asher's POV

Pulling my shirt off I stare into mirror. The marks on my sides were red leaving an obvious claw-like pattern.  My neck was so obvious. I ran my fingers over the marks and sank to the floor clutching my neck. "I'm such a..." I cry covering myself.

Nobody can see me. I'm disgusting, I'm a disgrace. He's going to... "I can't! I can't!" I shout grabbing the thing close to me and throwing it. It hits my dresser knocking a few things off with a thud and I stare at my hands in shock.

It was just a shoe, but it made me realize I'm losing it. Lyra... what would he do to her. She's too young and sweet, she doesn't want him. If he touched her she would immediately come to one of us, right? Not if he blackmailed her or told her he was going to do it to someone else... like me.

I wrap my arms around my head and cry. "Somebody just kill me already!" I scream. Letting the tears flood from my eyes. Slamming my fist on the ground. I gasp in pain at how hard I had actually done it.

"This is my fault, Lyra is in this mess as well because I couldn't give him what he wanted" I whimper laying my head onto the floor. I'm so scared. It's going to hurt so bad, what if he does something else. I'm not ready... I'm not ready. "I'm not ready!" I shout out loud this time. Happy for once that I was secluded on the second floor.

Bursting into a sob I curl up to myself. Going silent as I realize something. "I can't do that to him... I can't... I-I" I'm so dazed and unsure of everything. I sit back up and bring my shaky hands to my mouth.  Should I... I can't- we haven't talked in weeks... well he's tried, but I can't. Thomas just pulls me away.

He's going to get bored of just making out sooner or later and he's going to want to go farther. I need to end the... our. "I can't do it! I love him so much" I sob hugging myself. "If you love him you'll do it, he will be relieved" I lecture myself trying to stand, only to fall back down my body refusing to work.

"Papa... Dad... please come home soon" I stare at myself in the mirror. I'm revolting. "I'm going to puke" I gag, scrambling towards my bathroom. I pushed opened the door and dropped to the floor once again.

Lurching forward I vomit just water into the toilet. When I'm finally able to sit back up I continued to sob hysterically. I always get too emotional, and I just can't hold anything back anymore.

"Okay calm down... I'm sure he'll be nice about it... it's going to be your first time... he'll be nice... he'll be nice!" I wipe my mouth feeling the urge to puke again. He's not going to be nice. He's going to hurt me. "I don't want to, Dad please don't let him touch me please" I sob hugging myself.

"Papa I'll be really good just don't let him hurt me, please I'll do anything you ask, please I'll be a better son. I'll do everything you want" I scream into my hands. Standing from the ground, lazily clutching onto the sink.

It's June... the 3rd event. Atlas. He's not in his right mind right now. "It's all my fault, I'm ruining everyone's lives" I clutch my heart before pushing off of the sink. I need... I don't know what I need. I clumsily look around my room for a shirt. I need a turtle neck... "turtle neck" I repeat the word. Sighing when I find one. I quickly throw it over my body. Hating the restricting feeling on my open wounds. I used things around me to stand and balance.

Leaving my mess of a room I hang on tightly to the railing making my way down slowly. "Asher? Are you okay?" My two cousins ask and I just stare at the ground. "I-I'm going to go see Harry" after the first word leaves my mouth I break out into a sob and the twins stand from their spots running over to me. Leaving their parents staring at me shocked.