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✎ behold, crack au
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"ah yes, such a beautiful sight..." zhongli said as he admired the pillar he had just placed on the statue of venti in mondstadt. venti on the other hand, wasn't so pleased with what he was doing with the statue of himself like that.
"thats disrespectful, morax." venti said as kaeya came up from behind them followed by a rather disgusted diluc. kaeya applauded zhongli for the pillar he had placed on venti's statue and laughed.
"it's... rather long-looking, i suppose its a compliment, venti." kaeya smirked over at venti as he blushed.
"don't say it like it's so big anyway," he murmured, and he hoped nobody heard it but unfortunately kaeya did.
"oh so you're saying yours isn't big~?"
"GET OFF." venti screamed in embarrassment as he flew off into the night, leaving zhongli, diluc and kaeya alone on the top. zhongli had offered to visit mondstadt out of curiosity, bringing a few of his friends with him like xiao, xingqiu, chongyun, ganyu, keqing, qiqi, hutao, beidou and ningguang. almost the whole of the liyue squad where nobody would be watching over liyue right now but he knew things would be fine while they descended chaos on venti's nation.
in the other part of mondstadt, beidou, ningguang and keqing are looking for trinkets to purchase, but beidou is having a hard time trying to understand the culture happening here. "hey, is it just me or is there not much over here."
"i conquer," keqing says, flipping he scroll open to reveal the map of all of mondstadt. "we just haven't seen all of mondstadt just yet."
beidou looked down at keqing's scroll and nodded, pointing at a specific place in the back. "how about over here?"
keqing nodded. "sounds great, what do you think lady ningguang?"
silence.
"lady ningguang-?" keqing and beidou both lifted their heads up to see ningguang already at the stores, her bags of mora in hand as she blinked her eyes rather richly and handed the bags to majorie as she sweated nervously seeing such a rich young woman.
in a deep, confident voice, ningguang spoke. "i'll be purchasing the entire store."
keqing and beidou dropped whatever they had and darted towards ningguang at full speed just as ganyu and xiao walked past, looking at them in curiosity just as xiao shook his head. ganyu looked towards him and patted his shoulder. "whats wrong...?"
"they are more idiots here than in liyue..." xiao said, and ganyu huffed.
"h-hey! im part of them too you know!" ganyu argued, and xiao nodded. he and ganyu just kind of walked around the town square for a while, looking at objects and food all around. xiao ended up ordering a few food for her as she was hungry, and ganyu tried to get him to try new food, but he wouldn't take it.
"i don't like anything else other than almond tofu." he said as he watched ganyu take a few bites of mondstadt's delicacies. she tried to get him to eat, but he just refused to open his mouth.
"come on.. just a bite? maybe you'd like it...?" ganyu asked pleasingly, and xiao groaned as he agreed to it. in the end, xiao ended up eating with ganyu.
they enjoyed their time together while ningguang was being dragged by beidou and keqing to not go towards the store. while they were all downstairs, xingqiu and chongyun had their own issues of being dragged into the cathedral by barbara and a few other nuns who had been somewhat delusional.
"u-uh lady barbara...? i-i don't think you understand our relationship correctly-" xingqiu began as the nuns were happily singing a type of wedding song on the top floor. chongyun was visibly shaken up by the whole thing.
chongyun and xingqiu were fooling around and was seen by barbara and a few other nuns, who automatically assumed that they were perhaps dating and were deemed to be married under the name of barbatos. they grabbed the two of them basically shoved them into the cathedral and prepared them for a wedding ceremony.
chongyun grabbed xingqiu's hand and sighed. "there's no getting out of this, we just need to play along."
xingqiu blinked. "pardon me? you know what happens during weddings right? t-they.. kiss at the end..."
chongyun blushed as barbara saw what was happening and deciding to give them some space as he sighed a little. suddenly it just felt like the whole cathedral went silent with some singing in the background as chongyun looked up at xingqiu. "what if we did...? maybe it.. wouldn't be so bad."
xingqiu looked at his friend, and his face dropped into a soft stare as he held chongyun's hand. "what... do you mean?"
chongyun blushed as he pulled xingqiu close towards him, grabbing him and literally yanking his face closer to his. "what if i said i love you..."
"c-chongyun..."
while they were having their moment, barbara was screaming with the other nuns just as noelle entered with the cutely folded paper rings. she handed it to them while barbara recited their wedding vows and they both exchanged a kiss under the beautiful lights of the cathedral.
while the nuns were celebrating, xingqiu and chongyun made their escape and ran out. they ran until the laid themselves down on the grass and laughed at each other.
xingqiu looked over at chongyun. "were you joking?"
chongyun laughed. "hmm... yeah."
xingqiu and chongyun caught their breaths and laughed a little more, but before they could say anything else, qiqi's face appeared above xingqiu and chongyun, and they both screamed and got up.
qiqi was standing behind them as they both calmed down, noting that it was just the zombie girl from liyue that zhongli had brought over. xingqiu went over to pet her head. "hey, what are you doing here?"
"hutao... is chasing me." qiqi said nonchalantly, and pointed down the stairs as they both saw hutao dashing up the stairs like a mad person. chongyun grabbed the little zombie and xingqiu grabbed his hand and the three of them made a break for it all around the venti statue while hutao chased after them.
in the distance nearby, diluc, kaeya and zhongli were sat together talking about some kind of philosophical issue and how mondstadt and liyue weren't exactly all that different. kaeya was having a hard time understanding the talk as he wasn't interested, but while they were talking, venti had joined back in after a few bottles of wine.
"you stole this from the winery didn't you bard." diluc asked and venti nodded. diluc grabbed the young bard and threatened to halt his privileges but zhongli reminded him that this was his god that he was choking.
everything in mondstadt tonight just wasn't normal, with ningguang trying to buy every store and beidou and keqing trying to stop her; xiao and ganyu literally starting a food war at the restaurant where people just stayed far away and watched; xingqiu, chongyun, qiqi staying away from hutao; and zhongli, venti, diluc and kaeya having weird drunk conversations apart from diluc and zhongli not veing drunk.
nothing was really alright in this night, but after tonight, everything would be back to normal. how are you so sure? because well, you were the one who made them all so weird, by pouring some magic powder into their drinks in liyue to make them have some fun in mondstadt.
you were sitting on the top, observing all the fun chaos that unfolded below. you were laughing as you swung your legs, it was really the funniest night in a long time.
