The Power Within: A Rose Full Of Emotions

30. Silence

As we waited, it took hours for the other two to wake up. When we all caught our breath, we loaded up and started to drive home.

I had a lot of things to think about so I didn't really pay attention to anything that was going on during the drive. Nothing snapped me out of my daze so I guess everything was fine.

Once we finally got home, the girls went to go get their showers and me and the boys were downstairs, around the kitchen. We haven't said a word but we are all still freaked out. I think we all just want to get tonight over with and get to school tomorrow and forget everything that has happened. But I won't be able to forget what mom said.

I will never be able to forget what mom said. I dont think any of us will. Nobody really moves except Jonah when he slides up on the counter, facing the fridge.

When Mary is the first to come down, her hair is all stringy and wet, she's wearing one of Jonah's old shirts and her sweatpants. Andi is the next to come down, her hair the same as Mary's but a little shorter, she's wearing one of Luke's shirts, and some black leggings.

Finally Amber comes out of my room, her hairs different since she's blonde. It's still very beautiful when it's wet, it's darker when wet. She's wearing one of my shirts, with some shorts she brought in her bag, when she left her house the night her dad came back. They are also wearing some socks.

They look comfortable. Maybe they will sleep good tonight. I hope they get some good sleep. They deserve it.

I need sleep if I'm gonna wake up in the morning. As I get up, Amber accidently runs into me. I catch her but I don't have a very happy look on my face. Why am I getting so angry all of the sudden. She didn't do it on purpose. Calm down man. Let her speak.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to run into you...sorry." She said sorry twice. As I try to calm down quickly, I feel everyone eyes on me. "It's okay. Are any of you guys hungry before I go lay down?" I say with a small smile directed to Amber at first then I back up and let her around me, while everyone else shakes their heads and collectively goes to their rooms, the girls following their rightful person to their room. I get left alone when Amber goes to lay down before me.

I take the moment to collect my thoughts before I go and fall asleep. I do not want to be having nightmares about all the shit that has happened in the last 3 months.

The silence in the house scares me. It always has. I'm glad the girls are here to bring up the mood though cause when we get all pissed off about mom. It's not gonna be good so maybe they will be able to calm us down.

As I go into my room, I see Amber is already in bed, on her phone. I admire her from the doorway, making sure she doesn't notice me.
She has a cute little spark in her eyes and she looks relaxed. I don't want to bother her but I'm so tired.

Oh well, she's just gonna have to deal with it. As I walk in, I get more and more nervous as she looks at me. Even though she's smiling, I can tell she's thinking about something else. I should ask her what's wrong.

"Amber, you okay?" She doesn't respond right away but looks at me like she's suprised I asked her if she was okay. She responds with, "I guess I kinda have to be..." It was weird when she said it. She never looked away from me. She never broke eye contact.

It kinda seemed that she wanted to just get up and run to me but I knew that would make her go out of her comfort zone so I shook the thought away until she started looking like she was gonna cry.

I want to hold her so bad. I want to tell her that everything's gonna be okay. I want her to feel safe and loved and feel special. Cause she is really special. To everyone. To the other girls, to my brothers, to me. We need her just as much as we need each other. We need to look out for each other.

I don't know if I like her but I do know I want to be around her and protect her. I want to see her be happy and I want to hear her contagious laugh. I want to see her little nose wrinkle she does when's she's trying to focus on something. I want to know her favorite color or animal. I just want to make up for all the times we have hurt her.

I need to make it up to her. She deserved so much better. She deserves so much better.
Maybe if she talks about it she will feel better.

"Amber..." She doesn't look up at me. I'm getting a little impatient. "Amber. You want to talk about it?" I say tilting my head, trying to be as nice as I can. When she finally gets up and starts sobbing, I meet her halfway and hug her gently. She's not small but she's small enough her head goes to my chest perfectly. I put one hand on her head and the other over her shoulders as she wraps he arms around my waist.

Hearing her cry makes my eyes water. I feel so bad. I want to help her and take her pain away. I wish I had those types of powers. But I don't.

When her crying continues, a tear rolls down my cheek and I loose all control. I have to bury my head in her shoulder to keep my composure before I drop to the floor or get angry. It's happening. The anger, the rage, the sadness that I felt all those years. It's coming back. Moms death day is close and I don't know if I will survive this one.