The Power Within: A Rose Full Of Emotions

31. We are Monsters. Not Men.

As I keep my head buried in her shoulder, I start sobbing. Remembering all the times mom screamed and threw stuff at me. All the times Jonah guilt tripped me until I didn't feel anything anymore. All the times I didn't help Amber. Or how I didn't even notice Andi or Mary in town.

It stopped for a while when Lizzy was here, Lizzy was my rock. The person I went to, to get away from my mom, my brothers, Lewis, school, all of it, but then I slipped up. And fell in love with her. And she fell in love with all of us.

I never wanted to make that mistake again. But now Amber is here. I don't want to hurt her. But it seems like lately all we ever do is hurt people. We are toxic and mean. Just like Monsters.

No. I have to remember who I used to be. The guy who was 17. Its only two years to everyone else but to me it's 17 years. 17 is kinda Lewis' lucky number. So he put a bunch of crap in us at 17. But obviously we got our powers before then so we are all jacked up in the head and have switches he could use at any time to control us and do very bad things.

But anyway, that's besides the point, the point is his lucky number is 17. Why did he even pick 17? Is that the age he graduated? The year he found love? Pft doubt it. Looking like he does, I should have already known he wasn't our father. Sick bastard.

As I get lost in my thoughts I didn't even notice Amber had pulled away and was looking at me this whole time. How embarrassing. I look up at her, seeing the tear roll down her cheeks. She's so beautiful.

Her eyes are all puffy and red but her eyes are so beautiful when she's crying. Her mouth is open. I can hear her heart beating out of her chest. Since I'm a wolf and everything me and and Jonah aren't that different from each other. I'm a little stronger than he is though. He's a vampire and I'm a wolf. We try to hide it as much as we can but I haven't turned in a while and he hasn't had his monthly dose of blood so we are a little on edge, including all the emotions we are going through right now with the grief of mom.

In the chambers, Jonah didn't get much to drink so he's really weak right now and Lewis put something in me so I can't turn so I'm pretty weak too. Turning into a wolf keeps them strong and alert but since I haven't turned. I'm kinda useless.

There I go again. Getting lost in my thoughts. As I pull myself out again. Amber has her hands on my cheeks and she looks like she wants to scream but she can't. I know that feeling.

I have to help her through this. Maybe in a way she can help me too. "Jake." She says it in a whisper and starts to sob again but I grab her hands. "Amber. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." I say begging her to speak to me before I completely loose it.

She tries to speak but starts hyperventilating and that causes her to cry even more. I gently grab her face and try to think of things to calm her down. "Hey, Hey, it's okay. Look at me, Amber." It doesn't work cause I'm not calm.

As I lower my head and get my composure for a moment, I still hear her hyperventilating and almost falling because of her legs going numb. As I catch her, I have a softer tone to my voice. "Amber. Shhhh. Breathe. Okay? Breathe with me. In. 1. 2. 3. 4...Out. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Let's do it again. In. 1. 2. 3. 4...Out. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8." She's holding on to me, trying not to fall until I finally scoop her up and take her to my side of the bed, closest to the door for the hallway.

She still has shaky breath but at least she is a little calmer and trying to control her breathing. A couple minutes pass. "Are your legs still numb?" I say, rubbing her back as she is sitting in front of me with her head on her knees.

Suddenly she turns around, resting her head on my chest. Wanting me to hold her.
So I do. She's so cold. As her grip gets tighter around my shoulders, she starts to shiver.
"Hold on." I say, covering her up. As soon as I'm done, she wraps her arms around my neck and buries her head in my chest again.