𝗠𝘆 𝗦𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿⁴ // 𝘑𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘳

chapter 23

"Mom, can you please tell me what happened yesterday? I'm older than them two, I think I should know."
Michael said, hugging me quickly while I made them breakfast. He jumped on the counter beside me while looking at me, waiting for an answer.
"It's nothing. You don't need to stress about it, I'm okay now."
"Mom, please."
"Mikey, I'm being serious."
"Do you not think I'm old enough and deserve to know why my mom finished in the hospital last night?"
He said with a bit of attitude in his voice.
I sighed, deciding to actually tell him. He is 12 and I think he is old enough to understand.
"I had a miscarriage."
He narrowed his eyebrows, his head moving back as he sat up straight.
"Isn't that when woman is pregnant?"
"Yes, that's exactly it. I didn't know I was pregnant. And all the stress and stuff in past two weeks, lead to a miscarriage."
"I- So you were pregnant, and then what? Did baby pop out of you?"
"No, no," I chuckled slightly before continuing, "I just bled a lot. There wasn't technically baby inside of me. Just a little, well, like a bean."
"Oh. Did it hurt you?"
"No, not much more than my periods. I just got scared in a moment."
"Oh. Are you better now?"
"Yeah."
I nodded, kissing his head.
"But I don't want you to stress about it. Alright? Nor Jo or M to know. Kay?"
He nodded his head, swinging his legs down the counter.

"Mom, who is now leading our company?"
"Bryce."
"Oh, but Jackson isn't going to be the leader when he is 18, right?"
"Why? Why'd you ask?"
"Well, I wanna be the leader when I'm 18."
"You wanna lead the company?"
"Yes. I wanna be on dad's place."
"Well, you'll have to wait for that, okay?"
"Okay. But can you take me there? I wanna shoot from the gun."
"Why- Why?"
He got me a little shocked with all those questions. I didn't think he was interested in all that.
"Please? I mean, dad taught me all that a long time ago."
"He did?"
"Yeah. I mean, it was our secret. But now I can't ask him to take me there so you need to."
"I- Woah. What else will I get to know?"
"Please. Not that it matters anymore."
"Okay, we'll see."
"Yay."
"But now, you have to do school, okay? You've already missed too much. I know it's even harder now, but I'm here and I will help you. For anything you don't understand I'm going to help you guys."
"Okay, I will later. I wanna eat first."
"Okay, take your plate."
He sat on the island and ate his food before Mason and Josie walked downstairs at the same time.
"Oh, right on time. Your breakfast is ready."
"Thank you mommy."
They said at the same time, hugging me from each side and I kissed their heads.
We all ate together and talked a little.
"I told Mikey earlier, you guys have to start doing school again. I gave you time off, but you are already missing so much stuff. If you need help I will help you, but you have to do it."
They both nodded their heads.
"Okay, go now."
They left the kitchen and I grabbed their plates so I could clean them.

"Hey mom."
I said after opening doors. She came here again to spend some time with us and help me.
She is alone at home, and I could really use her help now.
"Hey honey. How are you doing?"
I shrugged my shoulders with a weak smile.
"I'm so sorry that you have to go through this so young."
She said embracing me in one more hug.
I tried not to cry again.
"Come in, come in. I think kids are downstairs, they were doing school, I'm not sure what are they doing now."
"Okay, I'll just bring my suit-"
"I'll take care of it, don't worry."
She nodded her head and walked downstairs. I grabbed her suitcase and brought it to one of the rooms upstairs she always uses when she comes over.

I walked downstairs and watched them all laughing and giggling. I haven't seen them like this in a while now.
I just want us all happy again. And with Jaden. It's just empty without him.
And I just know that they are laughing just to cover up their sadness.
"Mom! Let's play pool!"
I shook my head while they all got around the table. I sat on the couch and watched them play.
"C'mon mom, play with us!"
"C'monnn."
I rolled my eyes playfully while getting up.
We started playing and then it was time for dinner, so mom and I quickly made something so we all ate.

I laid in the bed after shower, I already told kids good night, so I'm just gonna try to sleep, even though I have trouble with that since Jaden died.
Room doors opened and closed quickly while I heard little footsteps in the room. I was still fully awake.
Little-not-so-little body snuggled up to my chest as I laid on my left side.
I wrapped my arm around them and placed my hand in the hair while playing with it. Mason.
I kissed his head until I heard his sniffle.
"M?"
"U-uh, did I wake you up mommy? Sorry-"
"I wasn't even sleeping. What's wrong baby? Why are you crying?"
"I-I miss dad."
I sighed pulling him even closer.
"I know, I miss him too."
"When you c-came in the room tonight, he just wasn't there to say goodnight to me. I wanna hug him."
Now tears went down my face too. They were too young to lose their dad.
"I know, but we will all have to learn to live this way. I know it's hard, but I also know we all can get through this if we are together."
He nodded his head in my chest, holding tighter on me.
"Goodnight mommy."
"Goodnight bub."
I kissed his head again and tried to sleep.
Again, as all of the night this past time, I woke up million and one time and had big trouble sleeping, which as I said isn't normal for me. I could fall asleep any time of the day anywhere if I wanted, and nothing could wake me up. But I guess it's from too many things going on in my mind.

°°°°°°°°°°