Don't Care If I Sound Crazy (A Daltiana Story)

~Chapter 68~

tw ⚠️

"Fuck," I muttered as I felt a sharp pain on my stomach.

"Baby, are you okay? Do you want me to get the doctor?" Dalton asked, worried. I lightly nodded. He pressed on the nurse button and told them that I was in pain and that I needed Dr. Thompson to be here. Soon, she came to the room and gave me my painkillers. A few minutes later, the pain started to ease. Soon enough, my eyelids started to feel heavy. I just woke up and had my dinner a little over an hour ago. I didn't want to eat at first, but Dalton made me. All of these medications were making me feel sleepy. Before I knew it, I was already asleep.

the next day...

"We should give our little boy a name," I said to Dalton as we arrived at home.

"I guess we shouldn't use Mac or Malcolm as his middle name, it just hurts too much," I said sadly.

"Anything you want baby," he softly rubbed my back.

"I think the name Imogen came up with a few weeks ago suits him."

"Oliver?" he asked and I nodded.

"I love it too."

"Oliver Matteo Gomez?" he asked for agreement. I lightly nodded and a tear rolled down my cheek. He's now placed in a small casket. We'll bury him in our garden today, near the spot Eleanor was buried. I still couldn't believe he's gone. Dalton wrapped his arms around me and softly kissed my head.

"We decided to name the baby Oliver like how you wanted to name him," Dalton said to Imogen. She stayed quiet. She's really upset that he's no longer here. She was so excited to be a big sister.

"I want the baby back," she started to cry. I wrapped my arms around her as I was also crying. Dalton wrapped his arms around both of us, trying to comfort us.

"I-I guess it's time to bury him," I mumbled onto his chest.

"Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded. We took him to our garden and Dalton dug a hole in the corner of the garden. We said our final goodbyes and closed the casket. I gently placed the casket in the hole and Dalton placed the dirt back in the hole. I broke down sobbing and he hugged me tight. Once we got back inside, I immediately ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Dalton tried to come after me, but he couldn't, because the door was locked.

I opened the drawers and took out a razor blade. I held it close to my wrist as my hands started shaking. Dalton was begging me to open the door, but I ignored him. I sliced on my wrist and felt a stinging pain as blood started to ooze out. I sliced a few more times until I was satisfied and dropped down on the bathroom floor, sobbing. Why would everyone I love leave? Maybe I was right, I wasn't worthy of being loved.

"Baby, please let me in, I'm just trying to help you," he begged. Still, I ignored him. I had no idea how, but he managed to get the door to open. I tried to hide the cuts on my wrist, but it was too late, he noticed them. Looking at my current state, he was shocked. I could tell that he was trying his best to stay calm. He picked me up and carried me to the living room. He took the first aid kit.

"It's going to hurt a little," he warned. He started cleaning the cuts and I flinched as I felt a stinging sensation on the cuts. He applied some antiseptic cream on the cuts and put a bandage over them. He then placed a kiss on the bandage.

"Please don't do this to yourself again," he begged as tears filled his eyes.

"I-I don't know, Dalton," I cried, "it's really d-difficult, I can't p-promise anything."

"Please, baby, you can do this, you're really strong."

"I-I don't k-know, I don't care about myself a-anymore."

"Baby, if you don't care about yourself anymore, please, at least do it for me and Imogen."

"I'll try," I mumbled. He picked me up and carried me to our room, gently placing me on the bed. Imogen followed behind but stayed far away from me. She seemed scared by what I did earlier. I felt terrible for scaring her once again.

"I'm so s-sorry," I sniffled.

"Don't be sorry baby, I understand that it's hard for you, I promise I'll always be by your side. Please just promise me one thing, please tell me if you have urges to hurt yourself, I'll help you."

"I'll try."

"Come here, Imogen, your Mommy needs a hug," Dalton said to Imogen.

"No Daddy, I'm scared," she said quietly and my heart broke. My daughter is afraid of me. I'm a monster.

"Imogen, your Mommy was just really sad, she's not going to hurt you."

She nervously came closer and gave me a hug. I held her tight and softly kissed her head.

"I'm so sorry, Piccolina," I sniffled, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay, Mommy."

She placed her head on my chest and I ran my fingers through her hair. My poor little girl, she had been through so much at such a young age, and it was all my fault. I've had multiple breakdowns in front of her, and those breakdowns scared her to death. I wish I could be a better mom for her.