Don't Care If I Sound Crazy (A Daltiana Story)

~Chapter 70~

tw ⚠️

a few days later...

"I'm tired of this shit," I cried on Dalton's chest as he caught me cutting once again. It had been a week since we lost our baby, and healing just seemed impossible for me. Dalton took the first aid kit and cleaned my wounds. He applied some antiseptic cream on the wounds. He wrapped a bandage over my wrist and carried me to our room.

"Baby, if you feel the urge to cut again, please tell me, I'll help you," he said softly.

"I-I don't k-know," I sniffled, "I don't want to be a burden."

"Baby, look at me," he softly touched my face, "you are never a burden. Asking for help doesn't make you a burden, so please tell me."

"I-I'll try."

He got in bed next to me and wrapped his arm around me. Things had been really difficult. I felt terrible. I felt bad for Dalton and Imogen. They had to go through so much because of me. If only I could be a better wife and mom to them.

"Baby, what's really bothering you?" he asked softly.

"N-nothing."

"Baby, you know you can always tell me anything right?"

"I just feel like everything's my fault," I mumbled against his chest.

"Baby, nothing's your fault, always remember that."

"It is," I cried.

"How is it your fault, baby?"

"I-I don't know, I just feel like it's my fault."

"Baby, I know that depression is really hard, everything feels like it's your fault. I understand you, because the truth is, I've dealt with it too in the past, and talking about it helps me feel better. You can always talk to me, or your therapist. You haven't had any appointments in so long, so I guess therapy will help."

"I-I don't know, it's hard."

"I know baby, we're in this together, okay?"

"O-okay," I sniffled. He kissed my lips and fell asleep next to me. I closed my eyes as I tried to sleep, but a train of thoughts started to attack me. What was our baby currently doing in heaven? Had he met Malcolm yet? Is Malcolm taking care of him? Would he recognize me when it's time for me to go?

Before I knew it, I was starting to hyperventilate. I was shaking and crying as anxiety started to take over. I have no more purpose here. Everyone I love kept on dying. I couldn't risk losing Dalton, Imogen, or anyone else I love. That's when I decided that I've had enough. I carefully got out of bed, trying not to wake Dalton up and took a pen and paper.

"I love you so much, baby," I softly kissed his cheek. I looked at him one last time and walked to Imogen's bed. She's asleep. I looked at her as tears filled my eyes and ran my fingers through her hair.

"Mommy loves you so much, Piccolina," I softly kissed her head for the last time and headed to the bathroom. My hands started to shake as I wrote a letter to Dalton. When I was done with the letter, I opened the cabinet and took out a bottle of pills. I opened the bottle and swallowed the pills one by one. In no time, the bottle was empty.

Just in a matter of minutes, I felt my head starting to spin. I collapsed on the floor. My breaths were starting to get heavy as I felt a strong pain on my chest. I felt a sharp pain on my head and my whole body started to shake. Soon, I'll be with my two children in heaven and my loved ones who were taken away too soon. Don't get me wrong, I love Dalton and Imogen so much, but I couldn't risk putting them in danger. Everyone I love kept on dying.

I started to feel nauseous. I vomited on the floor and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Everything seemed to spin faster and my ears were ringing. I started to lose my consciousness. I could feel my soul slowly leaving my body. My eyelids felt heavy and soon, my eyes gave up. I'm so sorry, Dalton, I'm so sorry, Imogen. I love you both so much, but I couldn't risk it.

several minutes later...

Dalton's pov

"DADDY!" I heard Imogen scream. I quickly woke up and realized that Ariana was no longer next to me. I sprinted to the bathroom where I heard her scream.

"Mommy's dead!" she cried. I immediately noticed that Ariana was on the floor, unconscious. There was vomit on the floor and foam coming out of her mouth. There was an empty bottle and a note next to her. I started to cry as I realized what she had done. I ran back to the bedroom frantically and grabbed my phone as I dialled 911. I quickly headed back to the bathroom where she was.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"M-my wife tried to commit s-suicide and o-overdosed herself."

"Is she conscious?"

"N-no."

"Is she breathing?"

I came closer to her and tried to see if she's breathing. She wasn't. I started to cry harder at the thought of losing her.

"N-no."

"Does she have a pulse?"

My hand roamed around her wrist as I tried to find a pulse. I couldn't find any. Still not giving up, my hand continued to roam around her wrist. There was finally a pulse, but it was really weak.

"Y-yes, it's really weak."

"Okay, Sir, I will need you to perform CPR on her," said the dispatcher. He instructed me how to perform CPR and I did as he instructed, hoping that my wife would be okay.

"Don't stop until she's breathing or until help arrives, do you understand?"

"Y-yes."

I continued performing CPR and several minutes later, sirens were heard. Two paramedics came in to take over and placed her on a stretcher.

"Sir, would you like to come in the ambulance?" a paramedic asked and I nodded. I picked Imogen up and took her to the ambulance. Ariana was brought into the ambulance and was immediately hooked into wires. The ambulance driver started driving to the hospital as fast as he could, taking all of the possible shortcuts. Imogen was crying on my chest. I tried to calm her down, but it was really difficult, because I also had to calm myself down.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital, Ariana was immediately rushed into the emergency room. I had to wait in the waiting area with Imogen. I buried my face in my knees, too scared of what's gonna happen next. There's no way I'm losing her. She's my true love.