Would you stay or leave me?

Chapter 17: Memories

I woke up feeling my eyes swelling because of all the crying yesterday. Looking around seeing the wall a colour of sky blue and the ceiling a plain white. Remembering yesterday pains my heart.

Slowly getting out of bed and finding a note sticked on the table bed side.

Taking the note and reading it.

Gone out to work. You don't have to worry,cause I've given you a sick leave. You should get more rest. I've left some dry and clean clothes for you - Justin ;)

Feeling relief flood over me. I saw the clothes and took it. I walked to the bathroom to wash away the sweat and at the same time probably thinking that I can wash away my sadness. More sticky notes written on the mirror. Each of the notes have some quotes and words of wisdom. Smiling and thanking mentally to Justin for his sweet gestures.

After showering I went to take my phone and seeing the battery percent very low. I called Finn's office to see if he's at work.

He's secretary picked up " Hello? May I help you?"

"Hello. Can I ask if Mr Finn is in?" Hoping that he would be at work.

"Yes he is,would you want to talk to Mr Finn?"

"No!" I said too loud "Erm...sorry no thank you." I quickly hung up before she could say anything.

I grabbed my car keys and started driving to the house.

Going inside the house I quickly packed my clothes and all the things that belonged to me. After packing everything,I look around seeing this place as a house not a home anymore. Every happiness gone,the walls that we painted together is now a wall of memorie.

Just as I was about to walk out,I saw a video recorder. Taking it and thinking I should make a video for Finn.

Putting the video on recording and placing it on the table in front of me.

"Hey" I said giving a small smile that didn't reach my cheeks "when you get back home you'll see some of my stuffs missing" inhaling some air to give me more courage "I've given you so many chances to change. I've tried so hard to keep this relationship going,but looks like it won't be happening. Do you know I was even stupid to think that we'll have children and maybe even have grandkids" laughing more to my stupidity I clasp my hands together "but I guess that won't be happening because happy endings never exist right? I can't believe I would be that dumb to think you'll stay with me forever. I mean look at you know.I've always thought that you'll be the one for me. Yesterday the whole day I was thinking and wondering how did we get here?
How could this happen? How can a supposedly perfect relationship just end like this" tears started to form in my eyes "I'm so disappointed in you. Every day your out there hooking up with peoples,not just any people but my own best friend. I feel so tired and stupid for trying,but I love you so much and I thought that you will change but you never did. Do you know every single day I hope you would come back home early and have a nice casual dinner with me. Like those sweet husband and wife in the movies that we use to sit and watch on the couch. Now I realise that this isn't some movie or books where everything is perfect and always have a perfect ending" tears kept on falling from my eyes "I'm tired of this,I feel like ending my life every single day. But then thinking of you makes me think that I shouldn't do this,I should've tried harder. But it's just useless. It's over Finn and I'm dead serious about this. From now on you can be free do anything you want. You do your thing and I'm gonna do mine. No more marriage to tie you down. I'll have the lawyer send you the divorce form. Goodbye Finn, I hope that I'll never see your face again. Just thinking and seeing your face brings back all those memories. I hope that when you find another person you'll stay loyal to her and not make the same mistake" I leaned forward the table to turn off the recorder.

I exhale a breath of relief and wiped the tears away furiously. I'm so mad of myself for being so weak and vulnerable. How stupid if me to even give him a second chance. Standing up walking out to the door. Turning around to see the house one last time, all the beautiful and sad memories in this house. Smiling and wiping a tear away. It's time to let it all go. There's no turning back now.