Pain With Regrets *complete*

ch.twenty six

FORTH'S  P.O.V

what am i feeling right now ?? i am not sure ..

it feels weird ..

empty 

maybe sad 

or  is it guilt 

not sure

but one thing is for sure after pha told me  about what beam had been through I can clearly say that i still loves beam .. i can't forget him 

but it's for sure that i will marry sam  no matter what and how much i love beam ....

i will make beam happy but again how?????

beam 

sam 

beam 

sam

beam 

sam 

that's how my night completed .. yesterday i ignored everyone , mom , dad, sam and even beam it's like i can't look in his and sam's eyes straight ever again ...

i took my shower even though my body feels numb and empty 

tomorrow i am marrying sam and there's no turning back ....

i am lost , so lost that i didn't realised that i left shower , already dressed up and  was now walking in the corridor which leads to break fast table ....

and got bump into beam who is now in my  arms ..

same 

same features ..

same nose ..

same hairs ..

same spark..

same electric yet ticklish feeling when i hold him 

but where is the shine which these beautiful eyes holds ..

why no dimples pop out when he smile maybe because he fakes it ...

Why his body feels too skinny???

Wheres the stubborness these eyes holds..

he quickly removed himself from my hold and went inside the kitchen to help mom ..

i frowned as mom usually take sam's help but why today beam ..

"your soon to be husband is still sleeping as tomorrow he don't want to look tired "

"oh ok  "     i said and again i stood there watching beam ...

last  time admiring him with that feeling ..

tomorrow there will no forthbeam forever 

still busy admiring him that my environment became different that i didn't noticed because i got lost in singing a song ..

I agree that you don't love me 

i don't remember you and 

you don't remember me

dear, just turn around and look at me once