Pain With Regrets *complete*

chapter thirty eight

"forth i "    

beam don't know how to tell this to forth ..

In this world he and pha are the only one who knows that beam want to say right now ...

"love , if you are not ready i won't force you but please calm down "   forth tried to clam his baby bem was in other world ...

his  tears kept flowing ....

his eyes feel so sore 

patting his cheeks , back , ruffling his hairs , forth tried everything but beam was like he can't listen anything ..

"beam .... beam ...  baby ... love .. open your eyes baby please "    sweat and fear was crystal clear on forth's face as he feel beam fainting in his arms ..

FORTH'S P.O.V

Beam just fainted in my arms, i don't know what's making him this much stressed ...

he was happy all smiling and just now he fainted ..

i just picked my phone and called mom telling her what happen ...

she told me to bring beam home as our family doctor is  still in the hotel where every guest of my wedding were staying ...

i told driver to drive us to home ..securing beam in my arms  .....

as soon we reached home .. i pulled him out and dr. checked on him ....

nothing is fine according dr .

he  told us how weak beam's body is and knowing what had happened in past made him think that beam need a mental support too ..

he told us to wait and beam will woke up himself ...

i don't know that our distances took such a toll on my baby  but i promise i won't let him feel hurt or sad ever again ..

dr. left after giving them few advises for a new change ..

mia went to kitchen to make soup for beam and mark is helping him ......

forth is sitting in living room with his husband's head on his laps ..

he plays with beam's hairs ...

noticing how soft and silky his hairs is .. it felt good in his hands ..

and for a moment he looked at his hands where burn mark is still left but he smile looking at the ...

they indeed come to a long way ......

beam stried up in his sleep and slowly open his eyes ...

he smiled looking at his hubby playing with his hairs ....

but suddenly remember what had happened in the car and sit up arruptly ..

"baby easy "  i told beam but he kept looking at down ...

"beam , love , you don't have to say anything ...i won't force ....................."

"i killed him forth "   and i was cut when he said this ..

i was stunned ...

i don't understand ..

if he is talking about killing , a real mudder i will still save him ..

no one's life is more important them my beamie's  

"what are you saying baby , who ??"    i know i promised i won't force him but still i couldn't control my self ..

but again a visible shiver ran down is body giving me a clue to taking him in my embrace .....

"my ......."

"my what , love ??" 

"my ......

my 

my child "

i froze 

i don't understand ... did he get a kid from his one night stand .. and that fear run dowm on me now...

what if beam will leave me for that women ...

"your...child "  i asked ... i could feel my nervousness from my own voice ..

"my biological child "

beam had to hold me tightly because i felt my arms loose on his body ...

i thought everything is fine now but no ....

i should have knew god can't see us living peacefuly 

"please don't leave me forth .... please .... i didn't wanted to kill him it was them .... please don't hate me "

it was all faint to my ears ...

but before i could say i felt some one coming closer to us ..and carefully unstrangle  both of us ....

it is all daze for me ....

and coming to my senses i saw beam in dad's embrace hidding his face in dad's chest ..... and mom wrapping her hands tightly around me smoothing my hairs wispering happy words ...

but all i said is 

"tell me "    and it was for beam and thankfully he looked at me and quickly looked down ...

dad still kept holding his hands being a shield for him but from me 

"you already know that i got bullied ??"   i nodded ...  just thinking about it make me angry and hurt ... i should have never left him ..

"i got  ... i got ... i got touched ..."     touched i know what he mean and i want to collect my broken beam in my arms but dad his doing it for me right now ...

"and "    i asked ... i felt dad glaring at me but what i don't know what to do right now ..

"they were four men, they touched me every where.... and made me dirty .... after i woke in hospital ....  a month  later i fainted and woke up in hospital ....

ming and pahna was there with me too and they told me i had mis..........*sob*  *sob* mis    *sob*  carage .....

i *sob*  could give birth *sob*

doctors told me i had been carrying a  *sob * child  from last *sob* 30 days ... i have  both geniticals ...

and when all four  *sob*   of them made  me dirty *sob*  *sob* inside out .. i became  *SOB* pregnant ....

but i never knew this so without knowing i  *sob* lost  *sob*him ... i killed *sob* him ...*sob*   *sob*

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almost the end