Pain With Regrets *complete*

ch sixteen

Beam's P. O. V

I hold my own hands which were sweating too hard....

Just in two hours we will land New York...

Means I'll see him...

I myself don't know should I be happy that I'll see him or sad that with someone else....

Do I deserve this... Yes I do...

No one knows only that almighty know how much I am suffering...

Each passing day I show I am okay just little bit upset...

But it's not true..

In reality I am pathetic ...

Only God knows my action on my self... Only God hears my cry.. He's the only one who know my one and only one wish...

I only wish I have to have my forth back...

Third person's P. O. V

Yes,  it's true no one knows beam...

They only can look at beam physically...

But the fact under his shirt and pants is way much beyond...

No one can count those stitches,  burn marks,  knife marks...

It's just so simple thing that happened in this period of separation....

Beam was orphan , His first love was not forth..

It was his parents...

His first love was his parents whom he lost...

His parents promise to stay bedside him was never completed...

That's the reason he lost his trust on love and promises...

And pha came... Just to leave..

Kit came... Just to leave..

Forth,  forth.. Also left him...

The thing which was always loyal to him was pain , misery...

And again his mind followed misery...

No one would believe but it happened...

So many times he have seen forth's smiling face in mirror and just to touch his love , his hands have broken so many mirrors... 

How many times he assumes his kitchen knife as his forth,  who ask him to let him touch...

And beam did...

He let his forth ( knife)  touch his whole body...

From his chest to his inner thighs..

And take all the pain without any complaints...  All he just wanted was forgiveness and a second chance...

No one knows there's another beam lives in him...

Beam who ask him to do this, do that but forth's beam say no...

Beam is broken too much...

All he needed someone to hold him on that phase...

But when he turned back, he saw no one....

Pha and kit's anger was too much that they forgot to see the changes in their beam...

Beam was alone in his misery... But the memories of forth helped him to over come...

He remembers how forth told him many times that how much he loves Beam's proclair skin so he stopped dirtying his body for forth...

He remembers how forth told him many times to beam that beam is strong so he took a upper hand on his second thoughts..

He remembers how forth told him how much he loves beam so beam stood up again....

He may seems okay and would say that I am okay but he's not okay

He's not okay...

Beam's P. O. V

Will forth hate me if he saw me...

Will I see that hurtful eyes again...

What if he became angry on me...

But it will be good if he became angry..

I will be okay if he throw punches or slap me.. But I couldn't see him hurt..

I don't want to be hated by him..

Am I ready to face him??

Am I ready to see him with someone else???

Will he kiss Sam infront of me???

Will he ignore me???

No no I can't... I can't..

"see you deserve hate"         Beam's inner demon says after a long time..

"no , I don't "     beam answered back...

"you are curse... Everyone near you leave you because of this curse"

"no, no,  no one left me. Pha and kit are still besides me "

"you are hated by forth "

"no he don't hate me.. He just angry "

"you made him cry,  you humiliated him"

"           "

"know say"

"shut up,  just stupid up leave me "

All I have to do is show that I am strong and this demon leaves me.. Just like now....

But it's true... Everything he said is true..

"Dear passengers pls tie your seatbelt we are going to land on New York City "

Said the airhostess

no.. No... I need time....

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Told you beam is broken too..

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Mere yaara Tere gum hum agar paaenge.. Hume Teri hai kasam hum sawar jaayenge...

Haha I just heard this song...