It's been four years since forth start courting beam..
It's been one year since he stopped courting beam..
It's been one year since beam understood his feeling for forth....
It's been six month since forth start dating someone else...
It's been on...
So this chapter is past of forth. If you remember his last past P. O. V was when he left Thailand... Continuation of chapter six.....
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It's been two weeks since I left Thailand..... It's like I left my soul there....
And now just being a boy without soul roaming here on unknown and unfamiliar roads...
Here I can see so so many same sex couples without any discomfort... Holding each others hands... Caressing cheeks ......little pecks here and there....
All it could be heavenly perfect if beam was there with me but it's just hell , a tourcher without him....
Everyday I wake up first thing I wish is that all things which is happening could be just my imagination... Just my nightmare....
But every day I open my eyes all I get to know is that it's not.... It's really happening.... Beam is really like this..
Beam is like this....
Maybe I mistaken him.....
He can't be my best choice...
Mom always told me stop things when it's start hurting you not because its tough....
I thought making beam mine is tough.... In this toughness I forgot that somewhere I am hurting myself....
I remember one day back in Thailand... I was sitting on our canteen table when I get a call.. It's was from dad...
He told me that mom is in hospital...
When I went there dad told me that she had to go under surgery...
I wanted to talk to her.... I wanted to hug her before surgery...
But I can't I could just stand in front of the glass door and saw her in white hospital dress.....
Doctor were too cruel, they don't even let me touch her....
Felt like crying when I saw dad looking so miserable...
The chances of success was only 30 percent...
As time was passing I saw dad slowly losing his patients and at last let his tears flow....
I have never seen my dad like this.... I felt like a useless son .. Letting my dad feel like this.....
After 5 hours which felt like five years doctors came out only to say that
They need more time.... Surgery is not properly successful....
Mom was there, closed eyes, pale face, needles on both hands, oxygen mask on her face, my beautiful mom was just looking like a dead human there.....
Dad told me to go back and have some rest..... I denied him.... But then I guess he need time with mom alone so I left.....
Coming back was another heart attack when beam told me that he have a girlfriend now....
He was happy.... Too happy to even notice my pain....
I suppress my pain and let his happiness work on me also....
Three days later.. Mom again had an emergency surgery.... This time it was a fight for death or life....
I was outside losing my all hopes as minutes pass. .... At any time I was literally going to copy my dad who was already crying....
But a bit of hope came with another shock when beam called me and said that he need me.....
Dad told me to go..... I can't lose beam also at this point ,so I went....
I thought maybe I could cry a little with him....
But he was too concern of his own hurt that he can't again see me...
He was crying I thought I could also but I couldn't.... I never understand how much I was caged in this never existing relationship....
Remembering all of those day still make my eyes wet.... But now I am slowly getting used to it...
I drive my car in northeast direction when I saw the time.... I have an appointment with a psychiatrist.....
After I left Thailand... I don't know what's gotten into me...
One day I just wake up and find myself in the hospital...
Mom dad, parklam was also there...
They told me that I attempted suicide..
That the time where I noticed lots of cut marks, burned skinned, scratches...
No, I am not that coward... I will face this....
My mom almost begged me not to hurt myself.... It hurts seeing them crying for me , i promise that i wasn't aware what i was doing, I promised her that I won't do anything like that again and will continue my life..
That's how I decided to move on...
I was driving to fast remembering all those not so good days when a car hit mine.....
My head hits the steering wheel ..... And I lost my conscious...
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(just a preview of a chapter when this story will come to an end)
well i won't clarify this accident (maybe) further cause it's just a mild accident and nothing happened to forth . he just tried to act that he lost his memories about beam but he couldn't keep this more than a month ..
BTW I forget to ask you all are you even liking my this story.....
And what you think who's fault is this making, their life like this...
