Feint (Royal Society #3) COMPLETED

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Guilt

I stared at him, wondering if he really believed what I said that time. But the way he asked me, it was like he believed what I said. "What do you think Vini?"

I've always wanted to ask him that. If he believed my lie back then. If he doubted my words back then. Or if he ever knew that it was just a lie.

Because if he believed that, he should not be here. He should not have waited for me. He should not be talking to me. After all, I was just challenged in his mind.

Maybe this is me hoping that he trusted me back then. That even though I spewed those words, he knew there is something beyond it.

But I know I would not take it against him if ever believed me back then. Clearly, it was my fault and not his. And that was my intention when I said those anyway.

To make him believe that I was feinting everything. From words to action. Because that was the only way to cut our ties. To avoid making him an accomplice.

And looking at him now, I know I made the right decision. He got his life with the North. Hindi pwede na madala sa baba dahil lang sa akin.

"I didn't," Vince answered, making me look at him with wide eyes. "Did you really think I would believe you? Looking at your state years ago, with your emotionless eyes and lifeless being, do you really think that was enough to believe in you?"

Hindi ako sumagot sa kaniya. "Ganoon ba talaga kababaw ang tingin mo sa nararamdaman ko sayo? Why, because of our age-gap? Kaya turing mo sa akin ay isang puslit na madaling mapaniwala sa simpleng sabi lang?"

"Vini..." I was lost for words. I didn't know na iyon ang nasa isip niya ngayon.

Because even with the age gap, I never treated him like a kid. Ni hindi pumasok sa isip ko iyon sa mga oras na magkasama kami.

"Amara, why did you think I forced myself to let go of you that day? Even when all I wanted was to hold you tight because I know how hard your situation is? Even when all I wanted was to stay by your side? Even when all I wanted was to become your strength?"

"Why... why did you let go of me then?"

He sighed. "Because your eyes... you may look it like emotionless but I saw how guilt eats your being, Amara. I just don't understand why."

Tears fell from my eyes. He knew... even I tried my best to conceal what I was feeling then. He knew how fragile I am. He knew the weak girl behind my mask. He knew...

I felt him stood up. Naramdam ko na lang na nandito siya sa tabi ko nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko na nakatakip sa mukha ko.

Then I forced myself to speak. Because he deserves to know. Because I wanted him to know.

"Elizabeth is your closest friend, V-Vini. I know... kahit hindi mo sabihin sa akin ay naapektuhan ka sa nangyari sa kaniya. And to think that I was part of it... I can't make myself face you like how I used to. Carrine may be the one who told the Upper Clan but I am still involved by not speaking of the truth when I should have."

"But you are my woman, Amara. I should not be saying this but you will always be above anyone else. Not Elise or anyone," he said firmly.

But I know better. I once said that he is my priority but the moment my family's peacefulness got turned upside down, I realized... it was still them. I would always go back to them and leave everything behind. I would still work my ass off just to save them. I would bow down and accept defeat for them.

The smile that I wanted to plaster became a sad smile. "Is it really?" My voice sounded so doubtful, maybe I am. Because I don't want him to pacify our argument by saying those.

"Amara," he called and looked at me with confusion. "I don't know what to say anymore. I already said everything that I kept all these years yet... you are still doubting me."

"Is my love really not enough to make you believe in me again? Wala na ba talagang pag-asa? Because you are making it sound like... you don't want to do anything with me now. Iyon ba? Am I the only one hoping for us to get back together?"

Guilt. How can this word be the cause of this mess? Because no matter how much I try, I still feel guilty for what I did back then. It wasn't my fault, I get that. But maybe this is me saying to myself that I am not wicked enough to ignore the guilt inside me.

When I looked down, I know he got the answer. That even though we already sorted a part of this mess, we can't be together.

Being with him until my heart's content is one. But being with him as guilt eats from the inside is another.

How could I live happily with him... if his closest is still outside the Palace? Elizabeth is still living as a commoner when she is royalty.

I can't live with that guilt. Even if Vini is part of the choices in the effect of ignoring the guilt. I still won't let him sacrifice his friendship over us.

Vini stood up from kneeling. Hindi ko siya magawang tignan kahit gustong-gusto ko na makita mukha niya. It's his face that gives me peace. It's his presence that became my safe place. And it's his love that keeps me going.

"I know I promised you," he started and I immediately got what he wanted to say.

"I know... but you don't have to feel sorry for breaking your promise," I said.

Nanlaki ang mata niya sa narinig sa akin. What? Akala ba niya igui-guilt trip ko siya kung sakaling maghanap siya ng iba? I will be devastated but I won't be petty.

"What? Babe, what are you talking about?" He asked, followed by a chuckle that I missed the most.

I mentally shook my head. I was losing my focus again. "I said -,"

"Yeah, I heard you. Loud and clear. What I'm asking is why are you saying that? Isn't it clear to you that you're the person I wanted to marry?"

"W-what..."

He grabbed my hand and led me to stand up on my own. "Come, it's time for you to get some sunlight."

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Hello :)) I'm not yet done with my final term and just finished writing this chapter. I'm sorry if I am not updating but I'll be back! Thank you for those waiting :))