SINS (Completed)

HELD UP PAYMENTS

I rest my forehead lightly against the frame of the wooden door, and exhale deeply. She is so exhausting. One conversation with her, and I feel I've run three laps. If I could even call that a conversation.

She will always do exactly what she's told not to and gloriously fuck up her north and south.

And now, her tiny little stubborn head is rationalising. Questioning. This girl, is going to kill me eventually.

"Was that necessary?" I hear Trevor ask out rhetorically in a disapproving tone, and I close my eyes.

"What the hell happened? And what was Tessa doing there?"

I rub my head with my fingers, trying to ease the deadening pain in it, and Trevor is just not getting done with his questions.

I begrudgingly tell him everything that happened, and as I finish I look at him staring me down with his arms crossed.

"You didn't have a panic attack?" He asks, and I know what he's implying from his tone.

"Almost." I quip.

"You didn't cry?"

"No- just teared up."

"You didn't pass out?"

"No, I didn't-"

He turns silent for a minute, before speaking up again, and I wish he hadn't. I SO wish he hadn't.

"And you held on to her?"

"Dammit, just- can we let this go, please- thank you."

Trevor doesn't speak after that, but that doesn't mean he didn't get this point across.

I did hold on to her. And I remember, shouting out at her frantically, panicking all over and tensing her up with me in the process.

Her eyes flash in front of me- and for a moment, I feel a strange painful clench in my gut. I could see them; I could see them in the dark, as small little orbs that glistened and I could see them in the flashlight streak of my phone, flickering like a candle.

I had memorized that picture.

Her eyes had been- strong. She, had been strong. And somehow I had felt that, it was maybe for me. I had felt safe.

Even if my fears were not protected, I felt that at least I was.

Her hold was so enclosing; she had smelled of jasmine and oranges. I had followed her voice out to the light. I had felt- comforted.

"She broke the door for you." Trevor chuckles and a small involuntary smile breaks out on my face. She did, break an iron door. I shake my head.

This girl.

"I'm sure she imagined my face on it." I add with a shrug.

"I don't blame her if she did."

Blame her- my head perks up, as soon as the words settle on my ears. I blink with a daze.

She is Tessa. The same Tessa- how- what am I even thinking. She is to be blamed for every bloody thing. Isn't this part of her contribution-

I hold my head. It feels like my brain, has been seared through half, equal parts both blaming and defending her, constantly fighting.

She said that she'd get me out. And she did-

Her being able to do that, scares me to shit. Why does she even have to be here, why can't she just- I don't know- leave.

"Yes, it was necessary." I turn around, facing him, straightening the rim of my glasses.

"What she did for you, you do know you didn't deserve it, right?"

"Oh, is that why you were so concerned, and worried and scared, when you saw me- because I don't deserve help? Come on brother, that's a tough act." I step towards him, with a slight tease to my tone. I wish he'd just stop this.

"I never said you don't deserve help, Hardin. I said that you don't deserve hers."

He says with a straight, strong voice and I look down. I silently, and slowly walk past him, when his voice makes me pause midway.

"Why didn't you just tell her?"

"Yes, I'm hoping for that, all the more now that you're with me. I had little faith, but you-

You stood with me. You brought him back to us, slowly, one day at a time, opened him up to us, rebuild the trust he lost in us, and maybe one day he will. That's the day I will wait for."

"So will I."

"Let's just pray that at least some things get solved next week."

"Amen to that."

"But you'll have to talk to him, convince him to go to Charles, dear. I already told him several times, but I don't suppose he will-"

"I don't know if he'll listen to me."

"I know he will. Just remember what we're doing this for. There's just this way with your words, he will."

"I will do all I can."

"And Tessa, he can't know a word of this, or any of our conversations, he'll misunderstand and everything would just get worse- he has to believe things are happening on their own-"

"I understand."

"I'm asking a lot; I know he is a friend."

"It doesn't matter-"

I look ahead, at nothing in particular, my back to him, and sliding my hands into my pockets, clench my jaw angrily.

"It's above her paygrade."

Author's rant:

Ooh, first things first, the only characters that I have used from the orginal, is Hardin, Tessa and Trevor. Every other character is my own, and so they're named accordingly.

(Charles is Hardin's father, in case you didn't read my last book.)

BTW, which book are you currently reading? Apart from this, obviously.

I'm reading Narnia. Again.

And calling dibs on Edmund, cause will you LOOK AT THAT! Phew.

Remember to vote, comment and love.

Until later.
S.