SINS (Completed)

MISSING PEACE(S)

His words resonate all over me. Every hair on my body stands, and my heart twists with a clench.

I just, wanted someone to understand this, and tell me it's okay. And now that I have heard it, I feel even more emotional than before.

I didn't do anything, I'm not, doing anything. I'm not loving him, it's just- happening.

"And he is, suffering; he does need to be saved. Its just good to know someone can see it."

He pats my hand softly, and purses his lips together in a small smile. I blink rapidly, and rub my arm, feeling the woolly fabric of my sweater.

"It's not up to me, Trevor. It's not in my capacity, anymore."

"You'd be surprised."

I look at him blankly. I can't- not because Hardin has gone overboard. He will never be too far to pull back. But because he will not let me.

Perhaps I'll never know. What it is, that Hardin thinks I did.

"That night, you were hallucinating him, weren't you?" Trevor asks, almost answering it himself, and I feel so immensely guilty.

That night, had been the worst of Hardin. Because that day he made me a part of his ploy. That night, I failed Trevor. I wronged him, used him, maybe unknowingly, but it was unfair to him.

"Trevor, I-"

"It's alright Tessa. I have accepted the fact that this is one place where Hardin is un-dethronable."

He chuckles playfully, but I go dead still. With fear, dread, anxiety, grief, helplessness, hope, and a hurricane of emotions I can't even pinpoint.

"I hope you're wrong." I whisper, to myself.

"Do you?" He asks.

I don't have an answer for that. I don't want to find an answer for that. Probably I will never be satisfied with either one.

I try to hold myself, return myself to the brink of rational living, a reality where Hardin betrayed me, and I try to stand up for myself. Which is when a thought cones into my head and I look at Trevor, hopefully.

"Trevor, I have to ask you this. I need a clip of the- of the tape- my law- do you have it-" I ask him hesitatingly.

I don't want him to know that I have a legal complaint against Hardin, because I'm not sure whose side he'll take on this.

Also, the whole topic of conversation brings up a disgusting churn in my stomach.

He blinks, initially confused and then in realisation, with an apologetic face.

"Never seen it, never had it."

"Right."

Of course he hasn't. Who am I kidding, this is Trevor.

"Tessa, are you-"

"So, Brandon pulled his signature move again."

I dismiss the topic, end it immediately. I want no more of it. And Trevor thankfully lets me.

I shake off every thought in my head, trying to break through the grimness.

I put on my best playful, happy face with a wide grin.

"Therefore, honourable Co-Chairperson of the Student Council, would you be so kind as to be my partner for the pageant dance?" I ask him sweetly, and he smiles.

"I guess I could do this one favour." He says seriously, through furrowed eyebrows and I laugh.

Oh, how I missed this. The bell goes, breaking this- heavy ice-breaking, awkwardness killing episode.