SINS (Completed)

HARDIN'S LOVE

Theresa

I rock my swivelling chair gently while reading the lines on the page before me, voicing it out in my mind to check how it sounds.

Participating in a pageant sounded like a nice idea when I had had it. But now as I sat skimming through my speech, I might be feeling a bit lazy to go through it all when instead I could sleep at home.

"What do you think?" Lily barges through the door in the same dress she had been in during her previous four visits to my room.

I turn in my chair eyeing the dress up and down. Honestly this feels more than a game of spot the difference than fashion advice.

"Exactly, now it's so much better. Good that you fixed the- the- that, good that you fixed that."

I speak confidently as she spins around running her palms at the waist to smoothen out the fabric.

She looked gorgeous. Pfft, the dress looked gorgeous, that's what.

It was a stellar navy blue ruffled one that reached her ankles with silver sequins on the upper part. Lily really gave me fashion complex sometimes.

"I know right, the waist belt would have come off eventually. It looks better without it anyway." She chirps happily.

Right, the belt is not there this time. I look away with a small smile.

"You done with your speech?" She pulls back her hair above her neck, and reaches for the zip.

"Yeah almost done." I sigh, running my palms across my face. "I'm just- what are you doing?" I stare at her blankly.

She walks to my bed, where I had stacked the ironed pile of my tshirts and slips out of her gown with a shimmy, standing in her black strapless bra set. I chuckle.

"You tried those too. Of course you did." I speak in a low laugh while she rummages around my orderly pile of t-shirts, before pulling out a plain lavender one.

She turns around with a nervous expression, looking at me and then back to the clothes, filling in a weird silence in the room. I frown in confusion.

"You okay?" She asks speculatively.

I'm not.

I don't want to lie to Lily once again. I just had the steamiest make out session backstage earlier today seconds before I possibly ended any and every thing with the only love of my life and I'm not okay.

There's a vague emptiness inside my chest now that I don't have to worry about what I'm supposed to feel for Hardin. I knew it would be painful when I took the call but it was- the right thing to do.

I want to shout out that my aching heart and my bruised ego has made a decision that's painful for me to accept, but I will have to get used to a Hardin free life.

I'll tell Lily after the pageant day after tomorrow, maybe.

"I'm grand." I smile genuinely at her, because even with all this loss, I feel the calmness that comes with the clarity of making a strong, final decision.

Lily looks at me for a minute longer with scrutinizing eyes before rolling them.

"I'm taking this one." She pulls a plain lavender tshirt out of my pile and struts out of the room throwing the fabric over her head on the way.

I smile after her and turn my chair around with a sigh.

I fire up my laptop, bored, going through my mails. There's nothing of worth, so I go to Instagram when my internet ditches me. I click my tongue and hit my photo album next. I see the most recent album of Lily's birthday and smile fondly.