SINS (Completed)

WILD FIRES

My eyes sting, my body hurts, my mind is exhausted and my heart is bleeding tears. I couldn't even afford two hours of sleep the whole night, and I feel my senses cluttering, closing in on me like a dangerous cloud waiting to burst, engulfing me in.

I dropped a text to Trevor in case he would worry about Hardin not reaching his place, and every single moment that I watched him sleeping on my bed like a baby, my pent up love deepened involuntarily.

I wonder where exactly life has brought me to.

It's 3 p.m. and considering the snow outside, I believe Lily won't be coming anytime soon. I don't even realise how the morning flew past me and I don't even want to imagine the liquor Hardin had taken considering he's still out.

I take a sip of my seventh cup of coffee since this morning, as I sit behind the kitchen countertop and stare out at my empty living room.

I had placed the photograph back into my drawer thinking it might trigger him again. And it had been 5 a.m. when I accepted that sleep is not an option at the moment. I had given it up the same minute. So I had taken my time thinking, in the shower.

When I got out, I half expected Hardin to be gone, because that's what he does. Run, hide and deflect, every time I ask for answers. But now, it has stepped too far.

Please, just make me hate you.

I don't want to love you Theresa.

After last night, every sensation, every emotion has heightened to the point of no return. Love, pain, loss, anger, frustration, conscience, sanity, ego, helplessness, hope- every single feeling is at its summit, hanging by a thread at the last brink of explosion.

And I decide, today. Today, this ends.

The latch immediately moves, and a sober Hardin walks out. There's not a hint that he had been flat knocked out for hours. One of his sleeves is pushed to his elbow and he starts folding the other. His hair is ruffled and dipping wet, making me conclude that he had taken a shower to shake off any lingering drunkenness.

As he thrusts his phone into his denim pocket, I catch his face. There's a whiff of confusion laced with regret, and then there's a distant longing, hidden behind a mask of indifference.

I already understand that now that he is back to his senses, this would be more difficult than I thought.

"There's coffee on the table, I guess it would help you muster up some strength to finally talk to me." I gesture to the pot, and return to my own cup.

He ignores it magnificently and strides over to the door. I hear the metallic resistance of the knob as he turns it over and over, before realisation hits him.

"I meant what I said Hardin, you see neither of us are leaving before we settle this once and for all like mature humans." I place my cup on the table calmly reserving my energy because there's not much in the first place.

He turns and paces towards me with a deep inhale.

If this is what he has driven me to, so be it. But I'm not taking this to another morning.

"Open the door." He clips coldly, and I stand up.

"Don't whine if that coffee gets cold, I won't reheat it." I move over to place my cup in the dishwasher, when he takes a provoked step forward, stopping me in place by holding down my arm.

"I said, open the damn door." He grits and I turn to face him completely.

"You said a lot of things Hardin. Do you even remember any of it?" I ask him in an accusatory tone and he gets taken aback.