Peter Parker One Shots

{Never Tickle a Sleepy Peter}

Request on ao3 by Evolrelc: could you write something related to sleep deprived peter having no filter, and calling out/roasting flash because of not having the filter? preferably with a number of people around who arent used to seeing him like this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel.

TW: Bully Flash being roasted. Badass Peter. Sleep-Deprived Peter. Peter x I'm not telling ;D. Language!!

**********

"What's wrong, loser?" MJ asked, raising an eyebrow at Peter's haggard appearance.

"I didn't get any fucking sleep in the last 3 days, Em," he grumbled, his voice rough and deep from lack of sleep.

"Why? Nightmares?" Ned softly asked.

"Yup," he sighed, "Mr. Dad's not here too, and the rest of the team has missions everywhere, so I don't have anyone at the tower. Hunk Monkey's not here too."

"May still traveling?" MJ asked, eyes softening, "And I'm not sure your boyfriend would like the nickname Hunk Money," she teased.

"Yeah, she's in Egypt now," Peter smiled slightly, "I'm glad she's finally living her life. And I would never call him these nicknames to his face."

"OI PENIS."

"Ned, duct tape my mouth before I lash out at the idiot coming," Peter deadpanned.

"Penis! I'm talking to you," Flash yelled.

"And I'm trying to ignore you," Peter said, slamming his locker shut. MJ wrinkled her nose when she heard some girls giggling and sighing at Peter's rough voice.

"Finally grown a backbone, Puny?" Flash taunted, trying to look intimidating.

"Eugene, I've been called worse by better," Peter said. 

"What's wrong with your face?" Flash asked lamely.

"There's nothing wrong with mine. Yours, however, makes onions cry," he deadpanned. 

"BURN," everyone in the hallway shouted.

"You think you're so great-," Flash started, his face reddening.

"Everyone is entitled to act stupid once in a while Eugene," Peter sighed, "You, however, abuse that privilege."

Peter tugged at his hoodie, wondering why he was wearing it in 40-degree weather. His brain wasn't functioning properly, so he took off the hoodie, leaving him in his black shirt, which fitted him perfectly.

.

.

.

"Dude," Ned hissed, his voice echoing in the quiet hallway.

"When did Parker get muscles?" a girl asked, looking at him hungrily.

"I always had them, you, however, were too busy listening to an idiot's rumors and missed your shot," Peter snapped back, shoving his hoodie in his bag, "Stop eyeing me up, none of you are getting any, I'm in a relationship."

"You, in a relationship?" Flash scoffed, finally being able to work his mouth, "Just like your fake Stark Internship?"

"Here's your nose, I found it in my business," Peter said mock-happily, "Now go away, your stupidity might be contagious."

"YOU-"

"If I threw a stick, you'd leave, right?" 

Flash spluttered, then started ranting angrily about beating him up and making him regret everything. Peter stood there for a few seconds, blinking.

"Great story," he interrupted, "But in which fucking chapter do you shut up?"

"Stop insulting me," Flash said, almost whining.

"I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you," Peter walked past him, patting his shoulder.

"I-," Flash started angrily.

"Child, shush," Peter sighed, "I've forgotten more than you ever knew."

"OOOOOOOOH."

Flash stood there for a few moments, his brain struggling to decipher the insult, then his face purpled and he stormed off to his posse standing a few feet away.

"Well done, Parker," MJ patted his shoulder, examining her sketch.

"Remind me again why I used to bear with that idiot?" Peter asked.

"Because you're an idiot martyr," Ned rolled his eyes.

"I just want my dad to come back from the stupid meeting," he groaned loudly, ignoring all the students trying to get his attention or eyeing up his body, "I want to cuddle with my boyfriend."

"Well, good thing we're here, isn't it?" a voice called out from the end of the hallway.

.

.

.

Peter spun around to see his dad, Tony Stark, standing there in all his glory, looking just as tired as him, with his boyfriend next to him. Everyone quietened down. Flash was pale.

"Ned, am I hallucinating? I think I'm hallucinating," Peter gripped Ned's elbow and shook him.

"You're not, loser," MJ pushed him forward.

Peter carefully walked forward a few steps, "Dad?" He ignored everyone's shocked gasps.

Tony's smirk softened to a smile and he lifted his arms.

"C'mere kiddo- oof," Tony stumbled back when his Spider-Baby nearly tackled him to the ground, only held up because of the boyfriend.

"Missed you," Peter grumbled in his neck.

"I'm here too, you know."

"Harry!" Peter pulled away from Tony and hugged Harry tightly. The Oscorp Industries heir gently turned Peter's head and kissed him.

"Hey sweetheart," Harry Osborn murmured. Peter sighed happily.

"Come on, we've taken permission from your principal to steal you away," Tony said, running a hand through Peter's hair.

"Yay," Peter cheered softly, then turned his puppy eyes to Harry, "Carry me?"

"Could not sleep?" Harry hummed, easily picking up Peter and walking off.

"Nope," he snuggled into Harry's chest, waving at Ned and MJ.

"Stark couldn't sleep either. Neither could I..." their voices trailed off.

Tony turned his eyes to Flash and smiled menacingly. Flash gulped.

"Eugene 'Flash' Thompson, was it?"