"Ruin and Redemption"

Mindy Bargains for Her Mother

Derrick cleared his throat, and Lizzie continued talking to Izzie as if she were her best friend in the whole world.

“You can come in with us if you want, Patsy.” Derrick pleaded from the porch.

“No, I’ll just rest my old bones here. You go in and have a nice visit with Mindy, now, Derrick.”

Derrick gave her an incredulous, how dare you you old n—g---r look. Patsy realized then that she was closer to a whipping than she had ever been in her life, and it scared her. She was too old to have to deal with that, she’d managed to avoid the lash her whole life, and she didn’t know how she’d ever forgive Derrick, or if she’d want to, if he took the lash to her, and gave her the same treatment as any other slave. She was not any other slave, she could read and write and probably knew as much history as Derrick and Lizzie put together. And herbs and birth. Nobody on the plantation, aside from the old woman who’d taught her knew as much.

She couldn’t give in to fear, God wouldn’t want that. She’d been given a spirit of courage, that’s hwat the scriptures said. So she reached down deep and gave Derrick back a venomous, who are you to tell me what to do when you’re just a poor, white child who can’t look out for themselves without me, and you don’t want to piss off old Patsy who makes all your meals for you do you? Look

Derrick blinked, got the message, and sighed, turning away, defeated. He couldn’t whip her. Patsy was safe for now. She’d just have to be extra nice and polite to Derrick for a couple of weeks, and he’d hopefully forget she’d ever insulted him. He was almost her little boy, after all. She’d half raised him when he had come to their home years ago and toddled around the house with Lizzie.

Inside the house, Mindy bustled around, straightening up the cushions and the furniture. She wasn’t ready yet to face Derrick and Lizzie. Why had he come back so soon? What were they doing here so unexpectedly. She could hear her heart beating in her chest. Had Derrick left clues here. If she raised her eyes above the floor, she would see the spot where she and Derrick had stood up having sex just a couple days before. Or when she looked at the couch, she could see Derrick placing an arm on her shoulder while she cried about Josiah and confessed her loneliness. How could she even let him in the door. She remembered the vague trepidation she had felt when she saw him standing at the door, his head in his hands, looking harmless. She wanted to run from the room and bolt herself inside Celia’s old room. She didn’t want to be in the den where she had sat with Josiah or in their bedroom where memories flooded her, and she felt guilty just being in the presence of their happy memories together. She wanted to be in Izzie’s room, with their sewing machine. She wanted to finish up the task she had started when Josiah left. She wanted to work on the quilt for him, for the baby. She couldn’t look at Lizzie or Derrick. She couldn’t let Lizzie see what had happened.

“Mindy, don’t worry, we’ve been here before. We certainly don’t expect perfection. The house is fine. Why don’t we sit down and have a chat?” Lizzie asked, thinking she was worried because their house was not as grand as her plantation home.

“Just trying to keep things looking nice for when Josiah comes back, I guess.” Mindy said. And she realized it was true. Maybe if she had the house fixed up and his baby in her arms, and a nice garden planted when he came back, Josiah wouldn’t even question her devotion. Maybe she could pretend that Josiah was all she had thought of while he was away, that the mere memory of their passion and their joy together had been enough to sustain her the whole long time away from each other. He had left her so soon, too soon. They had barely been married. Still, she had wanted him to fight for the Yanks, she’d told him so, so her mother could be free. Oh for god’s sakes, why couldn’t Lizzie and Derrick just let her mother go? Why did they have to keep her? Well, everything happens for a reason, she consoled herself. It was unlike her to let herself get stuck in the mire like this. She had to pull herself out, and she would use the leverage she had against Derrick to get her mother off Lizzie’s plantation.