"Ruin and Redemption"

Back to the House

“Go ‘way, Josiah! I want to be alone out here!” Izzie called behind her, her hair flying in the wind.

“I want to talk, Izzie! I want to know why you’re so mad at me; You’re my sister!"

“What the heck does that matter, Josiah? I ken take care of myself now!”

“You’re still my sister, Izzie! I’ve always done right by you! I deserve to know why you’re upset with me!”

“You can’t understand! You don’t understand! You’ll never understand, Joe! You don’t know what its like to be a freak like me!”

“I don’t think you’re a freak, Izzie. Please, talk to me. Come on. I’ve got a baby coming, but I can’t let you go off and not even know what’s wrong.”

“It don't matter; You’ve got a wife and a baby to get back to. Go!”

“Not ‘til you at least tell me what I did wrong!”

“You ain’t done nothin’ Joe. I jes want to be alone.” But Izzie had pulled her horse to a stop. She angrily drove her fists into her eyes to stop the flow of tears, and pushed her blond hair back from her face.

“You’re upset with my for bein’ improper with Lizzie?” Joe guessed.

“Yeah. Why can’t you just stick to Mindy, ‘stead of goin’ after Lizzie too? She ain’t got much of a husband, but he ’spects you already, even if you ain’t done nothin’. He’d never know nothin’ ‘bout me. He’d never guess... Lizzie could like me if you weren’t always interferin’! You got a woman already an' I can’t even look at her without her getting’ all upset with me. Mindy walks around however and whatever, and doesn’t care about makin' herself proper ‘round the house; But if I notice she thinks I’m in the wrong! Like she’s some mighty lady who can look down on me an’ what I want!”

“Oh, Izzie. I didn’t know you were thinkin’ bout Lizzie that way... I guess if you like women Lizzie’s not a bad choice. I didn’t figure on you likin’ her like thet, Izzie. I thought you were real good friends for awhile there, and then you seemed to kind of forget about her, so I thought you were mad at her," Joe confessed.

“I was. But I stopped. She’s beautiful and she ain’t got much of  a husband. And I don’t care what Derrick thinks. I can out shoot him if I have to!  I wouldn’t let him get in my way if Lizzie was int’rested... But she’s still moonin’ over you, just ‘cause she kissed you or you kissed her sometime way back!”

Joe felt oddly ashamed, not knowing why. Izzie was his favorite sister and he hated the thought of her being unhappy over anything he had done. He felt regretful that he had ever kissed Lizzie that it should make Izzie so upset. And deep down he wished that he could kiss Izzie and make her know she was wanted. He wished he had had different parents from her, but then how could he have protected Izzie from their father on his drunken rampages?

And Izzie would run away from him anyway if all she thought of were women. He felt an odd rivalry and jealousy towards Lizzie now, that she should catch the eye of his beautiful sister, while he was scorned. But many of these things were so far below the surface of Joe’s awareness, that all he knew was that he felt helpless and confused, and not as good about Lizzie as he had before.