"Ruin and Redemption"

A Guest Departs and a Fire Burns

“Lizzie, I am truly sorry,” Esme said. She had invited Lizzie to her room to do some cross-stitching together. The two women sat on Esme’s bed holding the cross-stitch hoops which stretched the fabric taut to be stitched by needle and thread. Esme wore a fancy hat, with an ostritch plume amidst half a dozen yellow and pink silk roses, and her dress was dark grey and cream vertically striped satin. Beneath, she wore black, high heeled lace up boots that looked as though they belonged to the previous century. Lizzie was plainly dressed in a serviceable navy frock. As usual, her hair was pulled back sternly, and she wore a joyless expression, aside from the mild enjoyment she received from the stitching.

“I know,” Lizzie answered, as though it made not a whit of difference, although it did make her feel just a bit better. It was easier to forgive with a sincere apology offered.

“I really did not mean to cause such trouble for you here, Lizzie. Derrick tells me you talk of leaving us, to go to Paris. It seems he would miss you too much. He cried last night, Lizzie. I do not think your husband wants you to go.”

Lizzie said nothing at first.

“The war will be over soon, Lizzie, and it will be safe again. Perhaps I may return to Charleston then with my sister if we can find a suitable house and clients who can afford to help us pay the cost. That would make you happy again, wouldn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” Lizzie said, trying not to appear as giddy as she felt. Who knew she could feel hope again?

“But Derrick wouldn’t want you to go. And what if there aren’t any suitable houses? You would have to stay here.”

“Non, I could travel North and be a governess. Perhaps you could write me a letter of recommendation for my cooking and sewing, couldn’t you? And the times I helped you teach the children? Derrick could always visit as he liked, whether I am in Charleston or a bit further away.”

“He would still hate for you to leave him, Esme. He likes having everyone around him.”

“I know. But I have done what I can for Derrick and for you. And perhaps it has been too much. You are able to carry on with the workers, and I must go on to my next adventure, n’est-ce pas?”

“I suppose so. But I will miss you. I wish you could stay here, but just not be Derrick’s lover. But I suppose that is impossible, isn’t it?’

“Nothing is impossible, Lizzie. But Derrick and I, as long as we are together, I can not imagine us not being lovers. It is between us, you see, the way we are together. No, Lizzie, if we are to stop being lovers, I must go. And even if we continue, it will not be here. You can have him, here. That is what you want n’est-ce pas?”

“I don’t know, Esme. I don’t know. Maybe. But I still want to go to Paris!”

“But you are needed here, Lizzie! Your workers need you! Couldn’t you be happy and do your duty by them if I left you alone with Derrick?”

“I suppose. The work will be harder without you. But I suppose at least I could stay and do it if I could have a bit more of my husband. I think I could bear Scarlett if I could at least have Derrick half the time.”