"Ruin and Redemption"

Derrick Tries to Conceal a Secret from the Public

“Yes, I’m home.” He stated, plopping down on the porch furniture. Lizzie was watering one of the plants. “Put the can away. One of the slaves can do it.”

“ I like watering the plants!” Lizzie pleaded.

“You don't want our visitors seeing you do the work of slaves, do you? We have Cecilia now to help Patsy, so you can’t use that excuse anymore! Lizzie, you are a lady, not a slave. So start acting like one!” He caught her wrist, stopping her from continuing.

“Derrick, just because we have slaves to do it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it once in awhile if I like! Shouldn’t they be freeing us from what we don’t want to do? Emptying the chamber pots, making the beds, ironing the clothes, washing the dishes…I like watering the plants, and I want to keep doing it!” She was still clutching the watering can.

“This is my home now; It's where you wanted to stay, and I allowed this. But I can’t have my wife doing the work of slaves, especially not on the front porch where everyone can see!” He was twisting her arm a bit and staring at her intently; it wasn’t exactly painful, but it was a little scary, the way he was behaving.

“I'll stop now. Please let go." She said, worried about this new development in their relationship. He let go then, dropping her arm. She wanted to continue their argument, tell him that his mother tended a garden, what was wrong with her watering the plants on the porch? But his manner made her uneasy. Derrick had never been violent with her before, had always been gentle, except for the time he had destroyed her painting of Michael. But then he had directed his anger more towards the painting than her. Now, it seemed she had become the recipient. His behavior had not exactly crossed the line into violence, but he had been physically forceful, had restrained her from watering the plants, and physically forced her to pay attention to him. It was disconcerting to say the least! She felt somber and rattled.

Was there anything she could do to sooth his mood? 

“I think I’ll head inside, Derrick. I’ll see you soon, I’m sure.” She turned and opened the door, still holding the watering can.

“Lizzie? Wait!” He called after her; He didn’t really want his mulatto of a wife displaying herself on the front porch, but he didn’t want to be without her company, either.

He had been surprised when his mother had broken the news to him, the features she had recognized on Lizzie’s face. She had told him years later, when it seemed Lizzie could not bear him any children, and he had been distraught over it. His mother had thought he would be comforted knowing his wife could not bear him any black children, at least. But he had only felt more bitter. He had already been deprived of children, and now he had to face the fact that he was married to a mulatto! How had his mother allowed him to do this to himself, knowing the social consequences?

He had quickly dismissed his first thought that Lizzie had kept her secret from him. She had never been able to keep a secret from him in her life; She must not even know herself! She thought she was white, just like he had!

He had been fooled because he was too much in love with her to notice the evidence of her mixed blood. There was so much about her that was nothing like a slave, and nothing like he assumed a free black to be, either. She was well-spoken, educated, and pretty in her nice dresses. And then at the ball, she had danced just like a lady, and charmed him with her sparkling personality. What had happened to that, he wondered?

Where had her laughter and charm gone to lately? He wanted her back! He still wanted her! And he would have wanted a child with her, if there was any possibility, but they had tried and tried, and with Rebecca’s conception, he now knew it wasn’t his fault. Scarlett had simply been too old, he reasoned, or something had happened to make her no longer fertile. The point was, he could have children, but Lizzie couldn’t obviously, unless the baby with Rebecca wasn’t really his. This thought terrified him. He had to go back to see Rebecca and the baby, when it came! He had to be certain Rebecca really knew what she was talking about.

“What’s wrong, Derrick?” She asked, coming back outside. Her face was so familiar to him. He remembered how he had once thought her beautiful. But now he couldn’t help recognizing the African features his mother had pointed out--- her dark frizzy hair, full lips, and wide nose---and they disturbed him in his wife, although he would never tell her.

If she truly didn’t know, he couldn’t be the one to tell her what she was. It was too horrible; He wouldn’t want anyone telling him if he were! Thank goodness when he looked in the mirror he was constantly reassured of his own whiteness. His nose was thin, and his medium brown hair was silky smooth. His lips were average, nothing to be concerned about. But he lived in fear now that someone besides his mother would notice Lizzie was a mulatto. What if someone else were to say something to her, or start spreading rumours? What would he do then?

He had to make certain his wife always looked and acted a lady; He could not let her do anything which might call to mind a slave. What might the consequences be to the plantation or their way of life if people would not accord his wife the status of a lady? The legality of their marriage might even be questioned, maybe even annulled! How would they go on as part of society then?

“I’m sorry, Lizzie. I didn’t mean to stop you from watering your plants, but CiCi or Patsy will need to do it from now on. Maybe you could have a flower garden behind the house. There’s plenty of room there.” Where no one will see you, he thought.

“I’m not certain what the trouble is with me watering these two,” she stated simply. It seemed Derrick required her to give up everything to be his wife; He had already asked so much of her, why couldn’t he at least let her water the plants? She could be outside on the porch without getting her dresses dirty; She liked the sunshine, and sometimes she could see a visitor pass, although she had to admit she sometimes got strange looks from the men. She assumed it was because she sat alone without her husband beside her. Maybe they thought her improper for that, but it was such a small distance from the house, practically part of it! What did it matter?

“ I don’t know either,” he said, exasperated with himself and her. He would like to tell her the truth, but it would be too difficult for her to take. He had to protect her from the knowledge at all costs.

“Then I can do it, Derrick? You don’t mind?” She asked hopefully.

“ I don’t know why I mind, but I do; Just please don’t do this, Lizzie!” His eyes were wide with panic.

“Alright, Derrick. I truly don’t understand, but you have my word that Patsy or CiCi will take over from now on.” Lizzie said, mystified at Derrick's discomfiture over such a trivial detail of her day to day existence.

“Thank goodness,” Derrick sighed in relief. Maybe no more strangers would be passing by to stare at the mulatto who was married to a white man. That was the last thing they needed!

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