"Ruin and Redemption"

A Wintry Night

That night, Lizzie dreamed of Micheal. They were sitting in front of a little fire in a one room cabin. She got up from her spot on the bed to stoke the fire, and returned to snuggle close to him. He kissed her and held her close. She understood by the solid feel of his arms that she was his only lover, the only one he held close to his heart, and that the two of them would grow old and die in this little room. The cabin wasn’t much, but it was filled with Michael’s warmth. They talked late into the night, and held each other as they feel asleep. When Lizzie woke up the next morning, she felt better than she had in months. It was nice to know she would be joining him soon. It was nice to make a decision. Lizzie hummed to herself as she went to the closet and chose one of her most striking gowns. After all, she had so few chances left to wear it. She had a duty to let Derrick see Scarlett’s letter in time. She was merely borrowing a few extra weeks.

Lizzie strode into the kitchen with a cheerful smile. She didn’t plan on being a prisoner of this Earth too much longer. If she couldn’t do anything useful for anyone, and she couldn’t find any happiness for herself, she might as well get her freedom the only way she knew how. Perhaps she could do research on further methods of suicide once she was dressed and ready. From her look, Patsy would think she had turned over a new leaf, that her speech the day before had had its intended effect and changed Lizzie’s state entirely. The thought of deceiving Patsy gratified Lizzie to no end. Having this one secret that no one else knew made her happy beyond reason. For years Derrick and Patsy and her father had deceived her as to her true nature, knowing her better than she knew herself! But in the end, Lizzie would triumph. She would not allow cruel fate to bide its time to take her away in the manner of its choosing, just as it had wrecked her life. No, Lizzie would take control and make the choice that it was in her power to make. Divorcing Derrick would be too expensive and cumbersome; she had long ago given up on her ability to go through with it, and had little trust that the men in charge would give in to her. Getting rid of Scarlett was immoral and unfair, and there would only be another and another to take her place. She could not change the color of her skin. She could not teach. She had few friends and none as close as she would like, and those she did have were most likely growing as tired of her as she was of them. The circumstances of life seemed without change, and nothing she did had any lasting merit. Oh, well, no need to worry or strive any longer. No need to try just a little harder to fight circumstances as they were. Soon she would be gone, and freed from these trying circumstances.

Patsy smiled back at her.

“I was wondering if you would help me prepare some hot water for a bath, Patsy? I was thinking I’d soak for a good while, and then get my hair styled and put on fresh makeup.”

“Really? That’s wonderful, Lizzie! Mr. Derrick will be so pleased.”

“Oh, I’m sure he will, Patsy. I’m looking forward to surprising him.” Lizzie said with devilish glee. What a shock it would be when he found her dead below the window, and with poison in her blood besides. It would be a shock, because Lizzie planned to keep this secret closely guarded. Derrick would not be able to prevent her from leaving as he had stopped Micheal. No, she would keep her own confidence and she would succeed with her plan.

Lizzie relented and let Patsy help in dressing her and combing her hair. After all, the strange charade would scarcely be repeated. Just a few more weeks. When Lizzie looked in the mirror, she found herself unexpectedly delighted. Damn Derrick, Lizzie liked what she saw. The makeup made her look like a fancy French courtesan. Her corset was pulled tight, and her cleavage was high and deep. She was wearing long silk gloves. Her hair was piled high, with fancy gold pins keeping it in place. Her curls were just the right amount of curl, and not too much frizz. She was still beautiful. She found herself looking forward to showing herself off to Derrick, and anyone else who would look. Perhaps she would take today off and sit on the porch just to delight the eyes of anyone who happened to ride by. She would take a fan to keep herself comfortable and drive off the sweat, and she would allow Patsy to bring her glasses of tea with lemon and sugar whenever she could. She could make up for it tomorrow if she chose.