"Ruin and Redemption"

Lizzie's Retreat from the World and the Return of Hope

May of 1860

Lizzie watched from her window as Michael David and Becky worked in the garden. Michael David grasped a hoe, pulling weeds away from the growing plants, while Becky walked in between the rows, crouching down to carefully water the plants. Her face wore an expression of focused concentration; She knelt carefully before each and watered just the right amount. How Lizzie yearned to join them!

She felt so happy sometimes just thinking about that! In her favorite fantasy, Lizzie would  walk out to the garden and grab up fistfuls of dirt. She would savor the feel of it. Then, she would talk to Michael David and Becky and teach them while they all worked with the plants! It would be so wonderful to work in the garden, to smell the plants and soil. But, being a lady, and Derrick's wife, she could not do it. Derrick would be unhappy for her to work in the vegetable garden with her slaves; it would be a scandal if anyone saw!

Derrick's mother tended a garden. But it was a flower garden, Derrick emphasized. It didn’t produce necessary food, it was simply for beauty and enjoyment. It wasn’t work. God forbid Lizzie work, or do anything half-way useful! She could have a flower garden if she liked, Derrick told her obligingly. But she didn’t want a flower garden for beauty and enjoyment, she wanted a real garden to grow food in! A real garden to do real work in. It was what she wanted more than anything; But Derrick would never allow it, and besides, there was no way she could do the work in the garden without getting dirt on her fancy clothes.

To Lizzie's dismay, Derrick had thrown out all her plain and everyday-looking clothes. And he wouldn’t want dirt on any of the fancy dresses he bought for her. She hated even to go to the barn, let alone mount one of the horses and ride out on the dusty road. It seemed almost a thing of the past that she had once ridden horses, gone swimming in the creek and had suitors and balls. How wonderful life had once been!

“Oh, Patsy, what are you doing here?” Lizzie asked, seeing her friend’s familiar reflection in the window pane, and hearing her stop at the open door.

“Lizzie, I brought you some news. The paper came and I read it ‘fore Derrick could catch me doin’ it.”

“Oh, what did the paper say?” Lizzie asked, as was expected of her. She didn’t turn from watching Michael David and Becky with their little slice of paradise. She must be just as crazy as Michael to want to join the slaves, but watching them work gave her a vicarious pleasure. It was almost as if she were doing the work herself.

“Lizzie, Derrick is out, so we can talk freely.”

“Oh, can we now?” Lizzie asked sarcastically. She knew she shouldn’t hold it against Patsy that they couldn’t talk together as candidly as they used to, but she couldn’t help feeling hurt by it. And she took it out on Patsy.

“There’s no cause to get upset with me, Lizzie! You know what Derrick has put us through! He doesn’t want us to be too familiar, afraid we’ll be talking about him behind his back, I suppose.”

“I know, Patsy. I’m sorry. It just seems that I have no one to talk to anymore. I suppose he’s off to see his whores. That’s the Thursday routine, isn’t it?”

“Lizzie, there’s something more important that Derrick and his whores. Otherwise I would have just let you sit here all day and daydream away your life like you’re used to doing. That’s your daily routine isn’t it, Lizzie?”