"Ruin and Redemption"

The Happy Couple Makes their Rounds

It was the next morning, and Lizzie had spent a fitful night, tossing and turning in her bed and crying quietly in pain and frustration.

She could hardly believe that downstairs, in the guest room, Derrick was making love to Esme. She wondered how many times they had made love that night while she was lying awake in her bed upstairs.

When Lizzie finally managed to stop crying long enough, she wiped the tears from her face, and washed it with water from the basin on her nightstand. It was strange that Derrick was not here with her. Usually his first night back in town from a trip was spent with her discussing the journey. Or, he would at least come up and spend a few hours alone with her before he went to Scarlet.

This time was different. This time, Derrick was so enamored with spending time with Esme, that he had bypassed Lizzie completely, aside from the few minutes in the kitchen to tell her he wasn’t going to be her lover anymore.

Now, she had to go downstairs to breakfast to face Derrick and Esme. It was too bad Patsy hadn’t simply appeared with the breakfast. Why oh why couldn’t Patsy just indulge her this once, as she had from time to time in her childhood when Lizzie was sick or out of sorts somehow?

It would be so nice to be a child again, and have someone to look after her and nurture her in that way. It would be such a relief sometimes! And to not know the horrible things that happened in life, to not know everything she now did about slavery, or war, or her own blackness, or being married…the loneliness and humiliation. To just be innocent and go outside and play with her friends, or wander the woods, or pick wildflowers.

She had loved the woods so much before the men came upon her and Josiah and Michael that time swimming. After that, it had always been a bit scary going into the woods. Now that she was married, it was also outside of her role as Derrick’s wife. And now that everyone knew she was a mulatto, she might be attacked and raped or hung. Why did everyone else have to take that joy from her? How could society be so cruel?

Right now, she wanted to go running to the woods for comfort, to be among the trees, and flowers and streams. Sometimes she felt her true friends were there. Trees, flowers, bees, butterfly and deer. But she worried about the men that might be prowling around, waiting to get their hands on the mulatto that was married to a white man.

Finally, she knelt down by her bed and made a short prayer, to not want to kill Derrick and Esme, and to find some peace or joy in the situation. Feeling refreshed, she took a deep breath and made her way to the stairs. At least she didn’t have to help Derrick down the stairs today; there was no worry that he would take a false step and end up injuring himself. At least he was safe downstairs. Safe in Esme’s arms. Lizzie shuddered a bit. Well, hopefully she would get used to this too in time.

At the foot of the stairs, she ran into Derrick and Esme, arms locked, laughing and beaming into each others faces.

Lizzie hated them. She resented the happy couple in her home. Why hadn’t she ever been able to make Derrick that happy?

Derrick looked over and smiled up at her, and Lizzie tried to put a neutral expression on her face.

Esme looked up at her expectantly, and Lizzie tried to smile back at her. She would be fairly likeable, Lizzie thought, had she not come to invade her home and steal her husband.