"Ruin and Redemption"

Helpless and Hopeless

Lizzie lay on the ground feeling helpless and hopeless. She had made it out of the burning building, saved the seed and their money, but to what end? Now she was trapped on the ground with broken ribs, hardly able to draw a breath, worried that any moment her rib would poke through her lung. How long would it take for her to be patched up, and where was she going to live, now that her house was destroyed by fire, and all her clothing with it? She should have gone to Paris when she’d first thought to! This wouldn’t be happening in Paris; In Paris, would it even matter if she were a mulatto married to a white man? In Paris, they would just let her be. She could do her art and writing and music and not have to worry about trying to fit into a society that would never have her. She felt utterly alone here, even with Derrick standing just inches away. He wouldn’t have any trouble finding a bed to sleep in tonight; Scarlett would be thrilled. But where was she going to sleep---in the quarters? Lizzie grimaced. The grimace hurt her ribs. Well, at least Esme had talked Derrick into allowing some of the “fancy” slave cabins to be built, the ones they could afford to build. Maybe Lizzie would be allowed to stay in one of those; The rest were in truly deplorable condition now that Lizzie thought of it. She was ashamed she hadn’t done more to have them replaced. Some of the shantys were over 40 years old and had never had any formal repair work done to them. And now, she, Lizzie, might find herself living in one of the nasty, grimy places. She hoped to God she could muster the right appearance of gratitude were one offered to her.

“Are you in much pain, Lizzie?” Derrick asked, concerned, misreading the expression on her face.

“It’s alright if I don’t breathe too much, Derrick. Lucky me I’m used to wearing corsets, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem."

Derrick gave a wry smile.

Lizzie continued. “I don’t want anyone to be offended, so please don’t refuse for us. But it seems the only place left for me to sleep in will be the quarters, Derrick. And somehow I must be polite and not let on to my feelings. And how am I going to do that Derrick?”

Derrick was leaning over her to hear her rasp the words.

“My dear, another solution will be found. I’m sure your old friend Josiah will provide you with a bed--- a spare bed, I mean. I’ll have to put up with the situation so you can have a decent place to sleep, Lizzie. You aren’t sleeping in the quarters if I can help it.”

“But the workers---I can’t say no, Derrick. I can’t put myself above them. Just look at the mess I’ve caused!”

“Not your fault, my dear. And, you have broken ribs Lizzie, which will require you to sleep in a decent bed. Everyone will understand that you need decent, sanitary accommodations for your injury, Lizzie. You won’t be forced to sleep in the quarters. I will find Joe as soon as I can so I can tell the sl--, er, workers, truthfully that you are already taken care of.”

“We’ve lost everything, Derrick. Except the seeds and money. All our nice things, or what were left of them anyway. All my father’s books, Derrick! What am I going to do, lying in bed with nothing to read?! I suppose we’ll survive to plant another season and buy food for ourselves and our workers..but what then?” She asked.

“Just let me worry about that right now, Lizzie. You’ve got to focus on healing yourself.”