"Ruin and Redemption"

An Affair Ends and An Affair Begins

It was a cold, somewhat windy day. Derrick hated to make the journey to Rebecca’s house at this time, in this weather, but he missed her. It had been some time since he had seen her, and he had something he wanted to give to her today. It was something his mother had given him for his wife, but Lizzie had not wanted it. She had said he dressed her enough like a doll with all the fancy dresses, and suggested he try it on Scarlett.

He had not wanted his mother to know that he bore that much regard for a slave, nor did it seem justifiable to give Scarlett a fancy brooch when she had to spend everyday in her housedress. And now Rebecca was pregnant with his child, almost certainly a girl, and he wanted Rebecca to have the brooch.

 Rebecca greeted him cautiously when he arrived at the door of her house. She had enough regular clients now to have a place of her own, nice and quiet, with a few trees and a little garden. Her door was painted blue. Derrick had not paid her the last time he had come, nor the time before that. She was frightened to let him in, lest she be taken away from another paying client and not compensated for it.

She had wanted to tell Derrick that he was the father, as soon as she had realized she was going to carry the child to term, but something had made her hesitate to soothe the wounds which his childless marriage had delivered to him. Now she knew what it was.

Now that she was having his child, he expected her to sleep with him out of love, not because he was her client. He wanted to see her, and pretend they were a family; that he didn’t have a wife anymore---- That she had become his wife. He had even proposed to her, despite the fact that he was already married. They would elope together somewhere and have a secret marriage, known only to the two of them. The preacher need not know he was already married, and if they chose to return to town they could keep the marriage a secret. Lizzie would never know. But Rebecca did not want to be a wife.She had chosen Derrick to be the father of her child because of his relative health, his good looks, and his French heritage. She had stopped using the herbs a few days before seeing Derrick, and refrained from their use until she was certain the child had taken root in her womb. She had carried the child until the danger of miscarriage was nearly past, and then struggled with the decision of whether or not to allow Derrick to know the child was partially his. Then one day, after a particularly wrenching and pitiable encounter, where Derrick had cried in her arms over his barren wife, and the lack of any child to carry on his name, she had decided to cross the client/professional barrier to let him know that his child was now growing in her womb. His tears had vanished and he had been so happy he had jumped from the bed, picked her up and hoisted her into the air, kissing her full on the lips.

 Derrick had come to her often over the years, to be coddled and held in her arms after they would make love. He had confided his insecurities and the things that bothered him about his marriage that he tried to hide from his wife Lizzie. By now, Rebecca had heard so much about Lizzie, she almost wished she could meet her, but that should never happen.

Taking care of Derrick’s sexual and emotional needs was her job; Lizzie was the wife. Rebecca felt little bitterness over it. Sometimes she regretted her decision not to marry and to live the life she did, but rarely did it take the toll on her it did some women. This was what she was called to do, and it gave her an independence and freedom that few married women enjoyed.

Only now, she felt caught in a bind. Yes, she loved Derrick. She loved stroking his hair and soothing his troubled soul. He wasn’t a bad client, nor ill-tempered and she was immensely fond of him. She liked being able to give him the sort of peace and comfort he needed, the solace he could not find in his rocky marriage. But she did not love him as he loved her. Nor did she wish to stop working. She could not give what Derrick wanted her to; She was dependent on her clients for her livelihood, especially now that she would be giving birth to a daughter in a few months; She had to start looking out for the child now.