Not Another Faker

Chapter Thirty-Four

   What the hell do I do? It seems like the closer I get to Seb, the farther away he goes. Sawyer and I go out to the courtyard. "So, you and Seb huh?" "There is no me and Seb." "So this morning was just." "It was just two friends hanging out." "Right." "Okay I told him about my dream I had." "The one where you two?" "Yes that one. He thought it was funny." "Of course he did. Seb doesn't handle serious situations." "It wasn't a serious situation, he just didn't know what to say. I don't think he likes me anymore. He says he does but I think he's just trying to bare my feelings." "Are you kidding? Ever since he met you all he does is talk about you. He is always asking about your eyes or your hair. One time he asked me about your cheek bones. The way Seb feels about you isn't something he can just get over. It took him forever to face his feelings, cause he feared that once he started loving you, you would just disappear." "I have to go talk to him." "You can't! The art gallery is in a week. He's worked on this painting for months. He's already nervous enough don't make him even more nervous." "He shouldn't be nervous he's a great artist." "He's kinda trying to impress somebody." "Really who?" "Seriously Jules?" "Oh."

   I'm gonna die. I can not be at home when Mom see's that broken table. I have to find something to do tonight. "Hey Sawyer you maybe want to hang out tonight?" "Sorry I can't. Ian and I are going out. But if you need something to do I need someone to watch Aaron. My parents are going out as well and I need someone to watch him." "Of course. I guess I gotta get good with kids if I'm gonna be a big sisters." "Right isn't your mom due like any day now." "Yeah. She went to go tell her parents the gender." "Which is?" "It's a boy. She's also picking up my grandparents." "Wait really? I can not wait to meet them." "You sure about that? My grandpa is great but my grandma doesn't believe I have cancer." "Seriously?" "Yeah." "Well don't forget you're babysitting Aaron tonight. Just walk to my house after school." "Fine but if I burn the house down, it's on you."

After school I went directly to Sawyers. But when I got there, someone else was already there. "Seb?" "Jules?" "What are you doing here Sebastian James?" "What are you doing here Julia Maxwell?" "I'm watching Aaron." "No I'm watching Aaron." "You're both watching Aaron. I don't trust either of you alone with a child. Doesn't matter if it's mine or not." "Julia!" "Aaron!" Aaron runs over to me and we do our hand shake. "Y'all have a handshake? I've known you since you were born Aaron, and we don't have handshake." Aaron looks up at him. "I don't like you." I throw my hand over my mouth to hold in the laughter. Which didn't work. "Shut up Julia." Seb said while laughing. "The two year old doesn't even like you Seb." "Alright you two Ian's outside I gotta go." "Hey don't do anything you'll regret, so don't do Ian." "Right back at you, don't do Seb." Seb starts to choke on his water. "Excuse me?" He looks at me. "Did she just call me a regret?" I walk over to him and pat him on the head. "Don't over think it hun."

Sawyer left and now it was just me and two children. "So Aaron what do you want to do?" "Tv." "How about you okay with your dinosaurs instead." Seb and I plop down on the couch. "You know you say you're bad with kids, but you're pretty good with Aaron." "Aaron is practically a smaller version of Sawyer. If you know Sawyer, you know Aaron." "I think you're gonna be a great big sister." He scoots closer to me. "Don't hold your breath. My moms already nervous enough and she's making me choose the name." "So what are you naming him?" "Do you really wanna know?" "Oh no. Is it something stupid and nerdy?" "Depends." "I'm gonna guess it's something High School Musical isn't it?" "Maybe." "You're naming him Troy aren't you?" "My mom already agreed with it." "Oh my god!" "My mom and I have always loved the movies. Whenever we were fighting she would turn the first one on and we would watch them all. No matter how long it took. We always watched them all." "Well now I feel like a douche."

"Hey Aaron it's time for bed." "Just a few more minutes." "Fine, ten more minutes." Seb comes over to the couch and sits by me. "So how about we make that dream of yours a reality?" "There's a child in the room." "What if there wasn't a child?" "There would still be a child in the room." "What?" "You." "So funny." "I thought it was." Ten minutes go by and I put Aaron in his bed. When I sit back down on the couch, my mind goes blank. I begin to stare at the wall. "Julia." I feel Seb shaking me out of whatever was happening. "Julia!" I jump, being snapped back into reality. "Are you okay?" "Oh, yeah." "We went through this, this morning. I know when you're lying." "Does Sawyer know, that my cancer spread?" "No, I wanted you to tell her." "Great." "Jules. Is that what you're really worried about?" "I don't know what else to do." "What do you mean?" "I can't just leave my mom behind." "You won't." "Eventually I will. I'll be gone, and she'll be here. So will you." "You're not going anywhere." "We'll all die eventually." "Not us." He grabs my hand. "We're immortal."

He starts to lean in for a kiss, but I pull away. "Seb, I can't keep doing this." "Doing what?" "Hurting you." "You're not hurting me." "Yes I am, you just don't see it. I can't be another girl you love that's in your life one second, then gone the next." "What are you saying?" "That whatever we have, has to disappear." "What!" "Our feelings for each other, we can't have them." "No. I'm not gonna just lose all the feelings over night." "We have to. I can't hurt you and not be here to apologize to you." "Stop thinking like that!" "Like what?! Stop thinking like I have leukemia? I can't, cause I do. It's like I have a bomb in my head that can explode anytime. But that's my life, and you don't deserve to have to deal with that." "Neither do you." "But I have to. You have a choice, I don't." "I have a choice, and I choose you." I walk over and grab my jacket off the table. I begin to walk out the door. "It doesn't matter what you say or do, I love you." I turn to look at him. "And I love you, but I shouldn't."