Not Another Faker

Chapter Thirty-Seven

   Eventually we got up and ate something. My attempt at ignoring Seb was rough. It was more of a awkward silent conversation. "So we gonna talk about what happened?" "No I don't think that's really necessary." "Julia, come on." "I used to have dreams like that all the time. Where I would wake up terrified. Usually something has to happened, something bad for them to happen." "Let me guess, your cancer spreading is the big bad thing." "Could be. I never know the bad thing. It just happens." "Well maybe I can help." He walks closer to me. He pulls me in for a hug. I sat there for a minute before I realized. I couldn't do this. "Seb!" I walked away from him. "I have to go, to the hospital. Can you drive me?" "Hmm, I don't know." "Seb, seriously?" "Fine let me put a shirt on." "Yes please do that. No one wants to see that." I completely doubt that was true. I bet the whole school would want to see that.

  We got in his Jeep and drove to the hospital. When we got there I jumped out as quick as I could. "Thanks Seb." "Wait do you need me to pick you up?" "Nope." "Do you want me to come in with you?" "No Seb, I'll be fine." "Well just let me walk you in." "Seb!" His head shot up. "You are not my boyfriend." "I know that." "No, I don't think you do." "I'm just trying to help." "Then go home, or to school. I really don't care where you go just go there." "Fine then." He starts the car. "Maybe I'll go far, far away. As far away from you as I can get." He drove off as fast as he could. "Yeah you deserved that one Julia." When I walked in, I see my dad in the waiting room. "Dad?" "Julia!" He runs over and gives me a hug, but I push him off of me. "I tried to find your mom, but they wouldn't give me the room number." "That's because she told them that she didn't want to see you. There's only one person on that visitors list, and that's me. So just leave now." "I want to see my son." "Okay." I pull out my phone and show him the picture I took of Troy yesterday. "There he is. Your precious little baby boy. You know the one you abandoned." "For the last time I didn't abandon you guys. Your mother kicked me out." "Yeah after you cheated on her. Trust me when I say, this baby will have a better life without you in it. People always say that teen parents will be amazing parents as they get older. Well Mom got better, but somehow you managed to get worse." "If that's how you feel."

   "That's not just how I feel. That's how the whole world feels. Even people who don't know you know, that you should have never been given the gift of being a father." "What has your mother done to you? You used to be a respectful young woman, and now. Just a few months ago you would have never talked to an adult that way, especially your own father." "Your right, but now I'm even better. I'm just a bitch." I walk away into my mothers room. "Honey, how was Sebs?" "Just peachy. I had another one of those dreams. The ones I had when I was little." "You know what your old doctor said. Dreams like that are caused by stress." "No. This wasn't like those. It wasn't just me dying. I saw everything after I was gone. I saw you, Sawyer, Seb. I've lived my life in fear, instead of living a life. I haven't even thought about college, or the fact that I graduate next year. And yet I still push people away."

  "Peach that's what you do. You push people away to protect them. It's what makes you, you." "But I push away people I love like Sawyer, and people I'm in love with like." "Like Blake?" "No. Like Seb. I pushed him away. And now he's gone. Far, far away from me." "What's going on?" "I told him to go away. I told him to stop acting like my boyfriend. I told the guy I'm in love with to literally, buzz off. That is the Definition of stupid." "You were just protecting him." "Was I protecting him, or myself? Maybe Dad was right, I am a bitch." "Your father called you a bitch?" "No I called myself that but he implied it. Okay I can't talk anymore. I have to find Seb, tell him everything, and fix what I messed up." "Honey. You can't drive without an adult." "Dads still in the waiting room. If he has any love left in his heart, he'll understand." I run out the door. When I turn the corner, someone was there. "So you're in love with Seb huh?" Oh shit.