𝐌𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚'𝐬 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 [𝐒𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐚; 𝐌𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚 𝐀𝐔]

|18| SHIRABU

     "When I was like.. 4 years old, I was running down the hall, when I accidentally stepped wrong on my foot. I went to my mom and instead of saying "I hurt my foot," I said "I hurt my hoof." At first she didn't understand what I said, but once it sunk in, she lost her shit. She kept making fun of me. Still to this day." Kenma says calmly, leaning back into the couch.

     "That is nothing compared to what my mom did. My wisdom teeth were coming in when I was seventeen, and I kid you not. She kept speaking in a babying type of tone and said "awww my little Tooru is teething." It was so embarrassing because she even did that in public." Oikawa whines.

     We're telling funny stories while our boyfriends are out looking for my grandfather. Honestly I feel left out because I never had a decent relationship with my parents. But even so, I wouldn't change a thing that happened in my past. Because if I did, I more than likely would never have met Eita.

     The only nice thing my parents ever did was when I walked into the house with a gash wound on my arm. It was more so my mother that was concerned. My dad just got me bandages and shit before they both turned around and continued to treat me like shit.

     "The boys should be back tomorrow night." Suna says as he puts his phone back down on the glass table. We all look at him in confusion.

     "Huh?"

     "Oh, right. Osamu is the only one who had service. I don't quite understand why, but he texted me saying that he and the others are held up in Alianello because they found Akihiro's base? He didn't give much detail, but said that Semi doesn't want to miss this opportunity to get more information."

     "..E-Eita's.. N-not coming back.. Until tomorrow?" I ask, tears forming in my eyes. Kenma and Tendou shoot up from their spots and rush over to me, hugging me tightly. Akaashi, Oikawa, Atsumu, and Suna look at me worriedly as I clutch onto Tendou's shirt.

     "Hey, calm down. He's going to be fine. Semi would do anything for you. And he's doing this so you don't get hurt." Kenma says softly, a small smile on his face.

     "B-But-"

     "Shush. He'll be back before you know it. For now, you have to realize you can't depend on him for everything. We get it though, you love him, and he showed you that love really does exist. Trust me, he doesn't shut up about you." Tendou adds on with a happy attitude. He's acting like this has happened before.

     Most likely something like this has happened before. Inhaling deeply, I then sigh, my body relaxing in response. Kenma and Tendou let go and look towards the others.

     "Since it's 11 PM, do y'all wanna watch a scary movie?~" Tendou asks mischievously, to which everyone besides me. I hate scary movies.

-

     "Not what I had in mind, but it works." Atsumu chuckles, leaning back into the couch while throwing popcorn into his mouth. Oikawa smacks one away and sticks his tongue out at the blonde. "Oh it's on." He states harshly before lunging at Oikawa.

     "Do they always do this?" I ask, watching the two wrestle on the ground. Akaashi and Suna laugh at the two while recording them.

     "Ah, ever since they stopped eating each other's faces off, yes." Kenma says unamused.

     "Why'd they stop? You know.. The kissing thing."

     "We found out that it was an attempt to get their boyfriends jealous. Didn't end up working. So they stopped it and now they try to annoy the other. That is why they are fighting right now. They're still close best friends." Tendou says before eating some of the popcorn before turning our attention to the TV.

     We're watching A Haunted House. Honestly, it's really funny. I think Suna said it was a spoof of Paranormal Activity. But it's still not helping the separation anxiety I'm having right now. My heart feels like it's slowly being ripped from my chest.

     I'm trying so hard not to cry because I don't want to seem weak. Even if most of them understand, I still will feel bad about myself. Everything about me is weak. All I do is depend on Eita, and it's gotten to the point I think negatively.

     Overthinking has led me to the thought of committing suicide. I want to die, so bad. But I'm still scared of death itself. I need constant reassurance and attention or else I feel lost. It's tiring, so unbelievably tiring.

     I should at least be happy that I'm the lover of a Mafia boss. Whether people know about it or not. I still have an advantage in life because of Eita. People say that whoever is the lover of one, is labeled as untouchable. And is also labeled as off limits.

     Guess that does somewhat make sense. But still, I'm scared. Scared that one day he's going to wake up and not love me anymore. I'm scared that he's going to get sick of my clinginess and my constant need for affection.

     I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Kenma tapping on my shoulder. My heart races as I flinch, bringing my arms up to protect myself and shut my eyes closed. All the sound in the room vanishes, causing me to flutter my eyes open.

     Atsumu, Oikawa, Suna, Akaashi, Kenma, and Tendou all look at me with petrified expressions. Oh no.. Shooting up from the couch in Tendou's room, I ran to Eita's. Once I close and lock the door, the others try to open it.

     "Come on Shirabu! Don't do this again! Please!" Kenma shouts. To block them out, I rush to the bed and cover myself with blankets as I bite my lip to keep the tears at bay.

     I just flinched.. In front of all of them.

     "Shirabu please! Don't let us resort to breaking this door down! Who knows what you'll try to do to yourself! Think of Semi! He wouldn't want you isolating yourself like this and refusing the help from your friends!"

     "Shut up.. JUST SHUT UP! YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH OVER THE YEARS! IT'S TERRIFYING!" I scream, the tears now flowing freely down my cheeks. I grip tighter onto the blankets and scream into a pillow, followed by loud sobs.

     I truly am done with everything. It's hard living a 'normal' life when you keep getting reminded of your past. Abuse that has lasted the majority of someone's life, is incredibly difficult to move on from.

     I'm so tired of trying to run away from my problems like it's escapable. It's not. For me at least. I need constant reassurance that I'm okay and that people do actually love me. Why is it so hard to move on from something like that?

     "We're breaking this door down." Suna deadpans, his voice loud enough for me to hear.

     "But Se-"

     "SEMI WON'T CARE! HE'D RATHER WE BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN INSTEAD OF JUST WAITING HERE!" Atsumu adds on. His voice clearly sounded distraught.

     After a few moments, Tendou and Suna kick the door open. My body trembles as I try to scoot back away from them. Kenma signals for the others to stay put while he moves forward.

     "Hey, we're not your parents, or Akihiro, or Dylan.. We're your friends.. We're not going to hurt you. You're safe with us.." He says softly, a sympathetic smile on his face. I sniffle and wipe away my tears with my white hoodie sleeve.

     Kenma then walks over to me and engulfs me into a hug. Almost immediately I clutch onto his shirt and let out a pained and tired sob. "I don't want to live like this anymore!" I cry out, causing Kenma to shed a few tears while he rubs my back.

     "I.. I want Eita.." I mumble.

     "We know.. But we're here, aren't we? We'll help you through this." Tendou adds on, walking towards me with the others in tow. This does give me slight comfort, but it's still not the same without Eita..