CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

If Not Now, Then When? - by - Sohinigoswami

Reviewer: @Taebaetae74

Cover: 03/05

It wasn't bad. But, you could have aligned the elements in such a way that the cover would come off as more appealing. The 'then when' did not go with the sparkles behind it (color-wise) & did not go with the background (font-wise). Also, it could be centralized properly. Overall, it lacked that 'aesthetic touch'.

Title: 03/05

I'm not sure if it actually goes with the poems in the book. Over what concept did you choose the said title? Even so, I think you could make it a bit shorter? Something that you could catch easily.

Synopsis: 05/10

Now, the synopsis doesn't really convey the theme of the book. Alright, it's a book of poems written by you. But you could have quoted something from the book, at the least. The quote you used in the synopsis wasn't yours either.

Also, I feel that the book rankings & achievements could be mentioned in a separate chapter of the book titled 'Achievements' or something like that. Maybe one or two wouldn't be bad. But, providing a whole thing on it is unnecessary. The synopsis of a book- be it hardcopy or soft- should only talk about the book; as in what it is about.

All the ellipsis you used in the blurb were completely unnecessary.

Execution: 05/10

Like I already mentioned above, the description of the book was off. Other than that, the book was executed well; that is, putting the punctuational errors aside. The grammar could be improvised, though. The same goes for the cover & the title. Theme too.

Plot: 11/20

For every book of poems, there should be a certain 'theme'. That is, all poems mostly should revolve around a certain topic. It's also common for a poetry book to have several themes, however, if so, all themes are interrelated. I also feel that the ideas in some poems were not conveyed properly. It did not make so much . . . groundless & self-contradictory.

Taking the first poem, for instance, Navigation. I honestly, did not get it. The first part was fine. But the second part was a bit abrupt concept-wise. At the beginning of the second stanza, you ask your lover to navigate you through his heart, & in the second half, you say that he's in your heart & not to worry. So yes, there, the execution was poor. Also, what exactly did you mean by 'navigate me to your place? The poem says that you are in his heart, trying to find your way through it. That means that you're already at his 'place'. I think it should've been 'navigate me through your place'.

I cannot analyze every single poem in the book like this since there're about 18 of them. But from what I can see, you don't convey the theme or message of a certain poem well.

Writing Style: 12/20

Firstly, the way you go around your words is good. It needs improvement of course, but it's not bad. You just have to pay attention to the words, grammar & punctuations. When you write a poem, the first thing you need to make sure of is that you make each stanza stand out with its own significance. One message per stanza. Explain them thoroughly (I don't mean that you should provide a summary, though. Like, you need to explain them by hiding the meaning beneath the words. You get what I'm trying to say? Dang, I'm bad at explaining; sorry-). If I'm taking the first poem for instance, as I mentioned above, the second stanza was off. That's mostly because you tried conveying 2 messages in one part (the navigation part & the part where you tell him/her that he/she is already in your heart).

Also, the whole of the third poem (Game of Love) should have been executed differently. I'm talking about the numbers & hyphens, you know? You can write them in such a way that it's all words.

I get it. Writing poems can be a bit sophisticated. Being a poet myself, I spend a lot of time trying to catch the right words & framing lines. Take it slow. But, you did well. My favorite part of the poems was the rhyme schemes & words used for them. It's just the execution of themes you need to worry about.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 10/20

You need to improvise a lot here. Starting with the grammar & punctuations; you really need to avoid using ellipsis so often. It hurt my eyes- no kidding. Use them only when necessary. In a stanza, you use commas; not ellipsis. Putting the usage aside, the universal value of an ellipsis is3. Nothing more, nothing less. I know it may seem a bit silly that I'm pointing 'small' errors like these out. But, these 'small' errors take a pill on the big picture. It affects the presentation of the book as a whole. That's that for punctuations.

Now, the grammar. There were some mistakes I noticed in the articles you use. Let's take 'Navigation' for instance. In the fourth line of the first stanza, you should've used 'my' instead of 'the' (I know that 'my' isn't an article, but 'the' is-). This is because, in the previous line, you say that his heart is your only place to stay, hence, you use 'my' to indicate that it's you who you're talking about. Then, in the same stanza, you say 'Feelings are a never-ending maze'. It should've been 'a' never-ending maze. Not 'an'.

At some points, you also interchanged between tenses. If you choose to write in the present tense, you might as well stick to it. Don't go from present to past & back to present. And that's that for grammar.

Moving on to the vocabulary. It was good. Not too complicated, not too simple- almost perfect. Almost. You could've improvised the wordings here & there to convey the meanings in a better way, you know? Other than that, I think the vocabulary was good.

Total: 49/90 (52% on 100)

Final Note: Please do keep an open mind and work towards erecting the errors. Do not be discouraged. Take this as motivation. I'm trying to help you here. And yeah, I'm not really one to beat around the bush. Your works are good but, it lacks clarity. Them, of course, the grammar & related topics. Pay more heed to them next time & it'll be the bomb! Keep working & work hard.