CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

The Great Lockdown by ThePerroneBrothers

REVIEW DONE BY: Krippy93

Summary

As much as I understood, we have a "post Covid-19" POV (I suppose around 2035) and a "during outbreak" POV in 2020. The story follows both Regina, the Quaranteen living in a world where Covid-19 has been erased from the world but has left its marks on humanity, forcing them to undergo rigorous procedures to live on; and Trevor, a young adult that lives during the virus outbreak.

Chapter 1

Here we meet Regina and the post-apocalyptic world she lives in. But what year is it? I suppose it's around 2035 or something since you say that people born during the quarantine are now called "Quaranteens", but it will be better to state it clearly at the start of the chapter or more clearly in the text.

You present here very briefly what this future world looks like, but you just add info without explaining much. Why don't you explain a little better how humanity reached that point? Why are people required to live at a distance? Why do they need to wear a bracelet and what does this bracelet do? Why people don't wear masks? What is the Government afraid of if the virus is not in the air anymore? Why are people so scared even after all this time?

Chapter 2

Here we see Beth disappearing, We know this because she doesn't go back home even if the curfew is near, and then Regina's mom tell her that her friend hasn't returned home.

Your writing style is very concise, and I feel like your descriptions are more like telegram messages (short, precise, not very poetic, basically a bullet list of things). This has been done especially in this chapter, where events unfolds one after the other almost in a robotic way. The call at the end happens too fast, plus you are using it to tell the reader what happened (and very fast too) instead of showing it. I would slow down the entire chapter pace.

Chapter 3

Here we meet Trevor and we see the outbreak starting in America as well. This one is kinda good plot-wise but remember to improve the general description style. Again, you're basically writing a bunch of sentences that tell what happens but in a very distant and cold way. I don't feel engaged. This is not a POV problem (I write a lot in 3rd person too) but a writing style issue.

Chapter 4

Trevor again. He and Rick took shelter in an abandoned bar (?), then Rick leaves to gather supplies (??) and never comes back.

Why did Trevor and Rick take shelter in a random bar and even thought about living there for a while, as the "supplies errand" of Rick suggests? I know they're scared but this makes no sense. Is this something that has been reported in America during the first days of the outbreak there or you just came up with this?

The China attack to America is awful to read too. You are writing about a real historical event which already attracts a lot of hate to Chinese people as it is, but by writing this you are adding fuel to the fire. This is a complete lie about a real-life event. If you want to go for China attacking America with a virus, then make up the virus and create your own setting.

Chapter 5

Back to Regina to finally know what happened to Beth.

Clean water is a luxury, why? In this scenario there's advanced technology to monitor people wherever they go but they cannot provide clean water as always? Governments ensure that food and water prices will not skyrocket during these kinds of events, they haven't even in Italy or China so this feels kind of unrealistic. Plus, in 2035 I expect industrial plants to move to fully automated work layouts (I mean, they're trying to achieve this even now in 2020, of course in 2035 this will be a reality).