CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

The New Helel by Aleksandr_Vincente

Author: Aleksandr_Vincente

Reviewer: Jae_idk

Title

A book's title is very important, since it's probably going to be the first thing a reader notices about your book. The two most things a title should achieve is one, representing the story well and two, drawing readers in. This title suits the story, but though Helel is Lucifer's original Hebrew name, a lot of people wouldn't know that. If they did, though, this would be a very well chosen title as it's both interesting and pretty original.

Blurb

It generally isn't a good idea to have a bracket after names in your blurb stating the meaning of a word. The blurb is how a reader gets an idea of what your story is like. If they don't like it, they're not going to pick it up. After reading the story, I honestly liked it and I thought it was well-written and creative. The blurb doesn't really represent that though, it could've been done better and it would be a shame if readers who would've loved your book get put off by the blurb. It's not as exciting or interesting as it could be, but overall it's not too bad.

Shamayim

As an opening chapter, this did an absolutely amazing job. The descriptions were good, but the final sentence has got to be the best part. It's funny, it's a good twist, and it intrigues readers with Azazil's character. Overall great job with the opening.

Anxious

I've noticed that your chapters are quite short, and that might bother some people, but I personally prefer shorter chapters so honestly, it's up to personal preference. That said, short as it may be, it's quite effective at showing us more of Azazil's personality. I was expecting maybe someone rebellious, cold, and a little grumpy. This, however, makes him even more endearing as a character since more readers will be able to relate to him. The scene is funny, of course, but you also get to feel his nervousness and self-doubt, so that really adds to the character.

The Fall

I have a few comments on how dialogue is written, especially with the little boy. I honestly thought the way little kids talked was pretty accurately represented, particularly with the use of the non-word "goodly", which I also found hilarious. A minor complaint, however, about this sentence: "The boy stomped then burst into tears. 'Waaaa! Where is Daddy?'" In my opinion, the "waaaa" sounds could've been left out. Since you've already mentioned that the little boy burst into tears, the sound isn't necessary and makes the writing sound a lot more immature. The way Azazil seems to be annoyed by the little boy is easy for readers to empathize with, but you also feel sympathy for the little boy, however annoying he was. I think this scene was very effective at making Azazil feel even more real.

Another thing, though. I think you could've gone into a little more detail about Shamayim, especially the "not a drop of sadness" aspect of it. Since golden streets and crystal seas doesn't exactly make for eternal happiness. Gehinnom, on the other hand, was described very well for this chapter. The true horror of the place is done well. And the paragraph about Shamayi H'Shamayim is just great, as it sparks curiosity as to why Azazil doesn't live there anymore. I'll have to admit, I'm really curious myself about what his backstory is now.