CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

Those unsaid words - by - wild_imaginator16

Reviewer: sundas1705

Genre: poetry

Cover:

First and foremost, the cover is everything. I personally like the cover the most because it depicts and explains the book like a pro. The book's name is totally justified in the cover, the starry background with a lonely person who just observes everyone but never said a word, those unsaid words but is willing to write them down.

Title:

It's beautiful but unique too, no one has the ability to share their thoughts openly, but you use those unsaid words and help hundreds of people share their thoughts and feelings through your poems.

Chapter # 1 (Alone)

This poem, I can't say it's a poem, it's a micro-fiction. Perfect storytelling in little or less than hundred words. Your way of expressing emotions is good, you put raw emotions in words, and each phrase shows it. The chapter starts with showing a perfect environment with friends and happy families but the person being alone, feeling sad. The dream represents the temporary happiness or company in life but in the end, the person still holds the hope close to their heart.

The grammar and vocabulary are good but I think the stanza needs a little bit of balancing otherwise good job because this poem totally does justice to loneliness and the title "ALONE".

Chapter # 2 (The mourning nature)

This poem had the perfect balance in the stanzas. I like the way you describe nature like putting each color on the canvas and blending the words to express gratitude as well as the curiosity to know the deepest secrets of nature.

The start of the poem shows a very beautiful description of mother nature that a person remembered from a happy day but the end... It indicates the changes of nature... the sadness, the devastation, the heartbreak... Indeed THE MOURNING NATURE.

Chapter # 3 (An imaginary city)

Your poem has the ability to explain more with fewer words. It's flash fiction if I am correct. You give a visual idea about a peaceful environment to your readers, the metaphors, the phrases, the idea is good.

I like the start, it's just perfect but alas it's just "AN IMAGINARY CITY". Too bad I would like to visit it someday.

Chapter # 4 (Night time)

This is far most my favorite, I didn't see it as a poem, it's a beautiful description of the night, a scene where you can feel very close to nature and bind with yourself. Indeed only the lucky one can witness this, not everyone fell for this peace serene night.

As for the grammar, trying using more metaphors and phrases. In the second stanza, the second line.

"Enlightening the way through the darkness"

You can use synonyms related to darkness like;

"Enlightening the way through the gloom"

It will give your poem the perfect balance, as well as the phrases, will sound more poetic.

Otherwise, a good job because you describe the "NIGHT TIME" like you are the lucky one.

Chapter # 5 (Dreams of the women prisoner)

The idea is good. The description is also good.

I am not a poet but as a reader, I am suggesting something.

In the second stanza;

The wall painted in sour cream

The place engulfed in foul smell

Reeking of dried blood

With suffocation becoming a necessity.

You can change it to:

The wall painted in sour cream

Reeking of dried blood, with silent scream

The place engulfed in foul smell

With suffocation becoming a need.

This one is the perfect balance of words that describe the world's inequalities and gender stereotypes in many societies. A perfect combination of words and emotions to show "DREAMS OF THE WOMAN PRISONER" who hope to find freedom one day not from that cage but from all the stereotypes and boundaries too.

Chapter # 6 (Bright morning)

This poem needs more work, use of more metaphors, phrase and maybe a little bit of rhyming in the lines. But it indeed expresses the true story and delivers the correct idea to the readers to be grateful for nature's beauty and enjoy "BRIGHT MORNING" while you can.

Chapter # 7 (The Phoenix)

A few metaphorical words and figures of speech can make this better. The tone, mood, and theme are well described and illustrated. Again a good storytelling example where you show a woman who fights her demons when the world drags her down. She wears her scars with pride and stands up with a battle cry to fight them all. A true warrior, "THE PHOENIX".

Chapter # 8 (Its time to say goodbye)

The first line needs a little grammatical change.

As I see you lie in the coffin will be better than as I see you lie on the coffin.

Otherwise, this poem is heart-touching yet heart-breaking at the same time. The grief and bereavement were portrayed so amazingly that I cried. Everyone in the world lost someone close to their heart and this is the perfect dedication to them. This poem has the perfect message that even if "ITS TIME TO SAY GOODBYE" we will still meet again... That we will meet again with those who are gone... Till we see them again.

Chapter # 9 (In the memory of Federico de Santis)

This poem is the perfect dedication to the character of the book Luciano. I did read that gem and yeah it totally does justice to him.

The phrases, the words, and the lines are just perfect, the balance between them is also showing the road of improvement you go through.

This is indeed "IN THE MEMORY OF FEDERICO DE SANTIS" a ghost who will do everything for a family in the shadows.

Chapter # 10 (Bounded and broken)

This last one is a real heartbreaker if you ask me. The message is to show how life and relationships are affected these days. With how time is running but so are we. We are running so fast that we leave many loved ones behind. The man who provides for his family and gives up his time was not given love in return because he loses the battle with time.

The poem had some little errors like you use "eat" instead of ate in one line. And you use she in one place instead of he*.

But your readers did mention the error that is one blessing because it shows their love and investment in your work. The poem is good as it illustrates the perfect idea of "BOUNDED AND BROKEN" to the readers.

Overview:

First, I am really sorry for the delay. I hope this review will help you in the future. You are doing a great job just focusing on more metaphors, phrases and balancing the sentence and voila we are good.

These unsaid words are indeed the voices of many people so keep going. Just focus on making this more poetic.

All the best for the future ahead. Thanks for choosing our community and we will look forward to working for you in the future. Ba-bye.