CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

The Girl Who Was Afraid by LucyAnnWrites

Title: The Girl Who Was Afraid

Author Name: LucyAnnWrites

Reviewer:  cinnamonskies-

F I R S T I M P R E S S I O N

The cover is stunning. I adore it. The purple is gorgeous, the background gives away the time period of the story, the title is clear and prominent, and your author's name is pretty lucid. Awesome job, you go.

The title. Reading the synopsis, I can definitely see how it relates to the story (so kudos on that!), but I think it could be made a bit more intriguing. My first thought on reading it was, afraid of . . .? Flying pigs, chihuahuas, or guacamole? Because I get the first two.

But I digress.

Personally, I'd prefer it if the title gave away a bit more about the plot, and about the main mystery/hook of the novel. I'd be more likely to click on it straight away then.

I think the synopsis is pretty fascinating! It lays out the problems the three characters face and what kick-starts the plot. I'm curious about why Cerise never wants to leave the house, why Maria's career is in tatters, and what the mystery of Dr Harper's past is.

At the end, it gets a bit confusing though. What rewards do they expect to gain that they can divide amongst themselves? How would you divide Maria's fame (would Cerise even want that?), and Dr Harper's escape from his past doesn't seem to be something that would clearly reward the characters. That part isn't clear, so I'd suggest adding a line or two that does clarify it.

G R A M M A R A N D W R I T I N G S T Y L E

I really love how you portray Cerise's inner thoughts. It shows how much she fears the outside and getting contaminated (the point you made of capitalising death shows how much it means to her). I appreciate your portrayal of OCD even more. It's not often you come across Wattpad books that treat the topic seriously or display it accurately, so I'm really glad that you have!

Also, did you somehow go into the 1800s and become Cerise? Even though you describe her fear of going outside a lot, each description is fresh, vivid, and alive (for lack of a better word). It's hooking.

Somehow, I think you've also managed to incorporate a thrilling and amazon manual on showing, and not telling in your book. Everything is incredibly well brought out, so that's a job incredibly well done.

Something I just wanted to point out (you might already know this) is that most writers use em dashes without spaces on either sides. Like this:

The duck flapped its wings in despair—it feared for its reputation as a journalist—but it was unaware of the sinister figure that loomed behind it.

(That's a very bad sentence, but I hope it gets the point across.)

I noticed you use the style more commonly used in newspapers, which is putting spaces before and after the em dash. This style is not often used by writers, so just keep that in mind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, though, and you can continue using this style! The most important thing is to remain constant with whichever style you choose, and you've done that!

I couldn't find any, and I read the first five chapters quite a few times, and I couldn't find any typos or grammatical errors. Your writing is incredibly clean, which makes it a pretty great read!

P L O T

I read all nine chapters (well, there were nine when I read it, and then you updated, so I can proudly say I've read all eleven) and I love that your story is character-based. Watching Cerise's development is really interesting (and inspiring), and I'm glad it's that way. And even though the story does seem to focus on Cerise and how she feels (so far) the plot doesn't gather dust and cobwebs, abandoned in the attic. It's intriguing and hooking, and given what I've already seen, I can't wait for the next chapters!

C H A R A C T E R S

Cerise. If I'm not wrong, she has OCD. She's petrified of Death, germs, and, most importantly, of going outside. The story is in third person limited from her perspective, and we see her thoughts, feelings, and what she's doing. She's very well brought out and you've done an amazing job!

And then we've got Cerise's Uncle: We (uh) don't see much of him, but it's obvious that he cares for Cerise, and wants her to go outside. I, personally, would have liked to see a bit more about his motives and would be interested to learn more about him!

The third character we're introduced to is Dr Harper. I'm interested. He seems responsible, helpful, and definitely has some very strong feelings about orphanages (I wonder why). I'm curious about his mysterious past. A suggestion from my side would be to drop more hints about the depths of what his past might hold, because that would be super intriguing!

And the street boys. Little ragamuffin. Something I appreciate about them is that while they're not very prominent characters, they are well fleshed out and described. I think you've done a great job here, overall!

O V E R A L L

I absolutely adored this book, and I'd definitely love to continue reading it! In hindsight, a lot of this review is just praise, but your book does deserve it! Keep on writing :D