The last month - Karlnap

May 1-Feelings

Tw/Cw: Self-harm, self-hate, suicidal thoughts, dyslexia and depression

Karl POV:

What do I do now? My parents have once again left me to go to Spain with the 'perfect child!'. My sister.

'We don't need you on our trip! You're a mistake. Can't even spell your own name!'

That was true tho. I write often 'Karl Jakobs' instead of 'Karl Jacobs'.

I'm laying in bed and stare right up at the ceiling. I feel empty but at the same time it feels like I have to much emotions. I can't live like this anymore.

"The only way to make your parents happy is to die. Don't you want to make them happy?"

Maybe I should do like my thoughts tell me to do? Kill myself. Nobody likes me anyway...

I was diagnosed with dyslexia and depression since a long time back. Even before that my parents were disappointed in me. It was not like it got better when we knew I had dyslexia too...

My sister, Ella was perfect. She have great grades and is always nice to everyone. She always smiles and wear the clothes our mom make for her.

Me in the other hand was a failure. Why did I even exist? I had really bad grades and I was very shy. My mom never wasted time to sew me clothes. Dad and her just looked at me like if I was a slave. Talked to me like I've killed their cat. Said my name like it was poison.

Spitted it out.

I couldn't even write my own name.

When I finally got up from bed I look myself in the mirror real quick.

My hair is messy and fluffy. It is brown with curls at the end. My eyes are grayish and tilted down a little bit. I think they look weird. I am pretty short but slim so I look pretty tall. I didn't like my body at all.

I always wear hoodies to hide, first of all my body shape but also my scars. All over my arms it is lines i make with a small knife i keep hidden in the bathroom. The knife is my only friend. The only way to makes my pain go away for at least a little bit.

Today i wear a colorful tie dyed hoodie in purple, blue, yellow and green and a pair of little bit oversize blue jeans.

I hide my arms in the sleeves and pull my hood over the messy hair. Why am I so ugly?

I sigh and walk in to the bathroom. The knife is laying in a corner of the cabinet. I pick it up and pull up my sleeve.

"Karl do it! No one likes you. Name one person that would miss you if you die?"

The voices is back. I am trying to not listen but they are right. Who would miss me?

My friends? Who? I don't have any friends!

My family? Nice try! They hate me. That is obvious.

I press the knife to my skin and making a line on my upper arm. Blood sipping out from it. I make another mark next to the first one.

"You deserves this Karl. The less blood in your body the less of you. Your a mistake and the world would be better without you."

I know. The voices are telling me the truth so I make a third mark next to the others.

The blood from the three gashes mixes and start dripping on the floor. I glaze the red bloodstains on the floor before i slowly starts to clean them up.

I know what to do know now. Nobody will miss me that's why this is going to be my last month alive.

The first June, I will be dead.

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634 words

What do you think about the first chapter? Too long? Too short? Do you understand what is happening? Let me know please!

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Love you all C;