Tw/Cw: Dyslexia, depression and self-hate
Karl POV:
The cinema date yesterday went well. Really good actually. We had a lot of fun but my thoughts still whispered in the back of my head all the time.
Even when Sapnap threw popcorn at me when we waited for the movie to start. We laughed so much but I couldn't really enjoy the moment.
Even when someone farted behind us and in the middle of the movie. The hole cinema salon laughed including us.
Or when Sapnap accidentally walked in the ladies room and everybody looked weird at him after the movie. His face was red like a tomato and he laughed nervously. I laughed at that to but my thoughts forced me to break up with him. I still haven't done it.
"Fuck you Karl! Just do it! You don't deserve him anyway."
These fucking thoughts! Why can't they never leave me alone?!
"Karl! Get down here! I want you to meet someone!" Sapnap yell downstairs and I fall back to real life.
I move slowly out of the bed and downstairs. I don't even know what time it is but I have been in the bed all day with just my depression over me like a rainy cloud.
Sapnap sit in the kitchen with a stranger on the other side of the table. They have two coffees in their hands and are deep in a conversation and don't see or hear me come in to the room.
The other man have brown fluffy hair and dark almost black eyes. He is wearing gray clothes with a weird style. A jacket-ish with gray jeans too. Overall he looks kinda nice but I get a weird feeling just when I meet his eyes.
His face shine up when he meets my bored glaze. The guy stretch out his back and place down his cup before he happily introduce himself:
"Hello! I'm Jack Schlatt. Call me J. You are Karl right?"
Sapnap turn around and smile at me when he hear Jack Schlatt speak to me.
I nod and sit down next to Sapnap by the table. I try to not look grumpy so I apply a small smile.
"Yes that's me. If you don't mind me asking, who are you?" I say.
Jack chuckle and start talking again:
"I'm Sapnaps friend. We met for years ago and then he moved here for not so long ago. Now I am here one week at another friends house. He have a party tomorrow by the way. You should come!"
Sapnap turn his head to me but i don't look back at him. I hate parties but I know Sapnap probably wants to go.
"We can think about it! Thank you for inviting us." I say and wait for my boyfriend to fall in to a conversation with J again.
Which they eventually did.
After around an hour and a half J had to leave, which I was kinda grateful for. He was nice and so but something about him gave me bad vibes. I was probably just overdramatic and overreacting.
"By J! We might see you at the party tomorrow! At... When?" Sapnap say and hug him goodbye at the door.
"At 8! See ya! And you to Karl."
Sapnap close the door and turn his head to me with a questioning glaze at me.
"Everything okay? You was pretty quiet."
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just... Tired you know..." I answer but I didn't mean it.
It was weird to see the boy I love with fear. It sounds weird but right now, that is how I see him. Or not him. More us. More me. I fear myself. I don't act like myself. I want to break up with my boyfriend I love and I hate a person I met once. That is definitely not me.
"But you know you have to break up with him!"
I know. But it's to hard. Why? I will leave him anyway at the end of the month, why not make the process faster? I can't. Not now. I need him. But...
"Kaaaarl? You hear me?" Sapnap call me back from my mind.
I shake my head a little bit before looking at Sapnap again. I hurry to answer him.
"Y-yes, sorry!"
Sapnap looks confused and worried. He walk up to me and hug me. I push him away.
"What? I- Did I do something?" He ask with a pitiful voice.
His caring voice makes my heart stop for a second. Tears start rush out from my eyes. I can't stop myself.
"Shhh... It's okay... You don't have to tell me why you're crying, just let all tears out!" He whisper and I allow him to hug me.
I am just an emotional mess.
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794 words
BACK ON TRACK!!!! I lost the motivation a little. SORRY!!!!!!! Omg It was really long time since I updated. But now I will upload more often again. Not every day, but often. Thanks for understanding!
And also, 1 k READS?! THATS INSANE! Thank you so much for the support!!!
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The last month - Karlnap
Hayran KurguHIGH SCHOOL AU, DSMP/KARLNAP SHIP STORY. "I can't anymore. This is the last month. My whole life, everything is crashing. The 31st may will be my last day of living..." Karl is having problems with dyslexia and depression. His family hates him and h...
