Tw/Cw: Depression, Dyslexia, mentions of suicide, suicidal thoughts and a little bit of self-hate ig
Karl POV:
6 in the morning and I am leaving the only one I love. The only one who listen. The only one who loves me back.
I regret it so much but it is my only choice. As I said many times, if I leave him now it will hurt less for both of us when I jump later.
I am walking with rain poring down with a sweatshirt and sweatpants with a backpack on my back. My tears blends in with the grey weather on my rosy cheeks very well. Since I woke up I have tried to keep my sobs inside and not wake Sapnap up.
When I finally arrive at my house I have walked around 10 minutes. The house looks exactly what I remember it did, but to my luck the car is not standing on the parking which means my family is out of town again.
They probably "deserved it because their son is a mistake".
I open the door to my "home" and walk in. It doesn't feels like a home though. A home is somewhere you feel comfort and a place where you feel safe at. This is not the place I feel safe and comforted. Where are my "home" then?
Sapnap. He is my home and will always be. I just know that because I have learnt that a home is not always a place. It can be a person too. In my case, it is.
I start to pack up my things in my room and then I flop down on my bed. I feel more alone than ever before. I just want to have Sapnap cling on to me and warm me up with his body and compliments. I can still hear him whisper "I love you" in my ear.
Somehow I don't feel sad after breaking up. But I don't feel happy or angry either. I don't feel anything? Is that possible? Tears still roll down my cheeks though.
"Get up you lazy ass. Do something! You can't cry, this is your life now. Or at least until you kill yourself."
I listen to my thoughts like a robot. Without emotions I just get up and grab my nail polishes in the bathroom and walk back to my desk in my room.
I choose black and white on right hand and red, orange and yellow on my left. They are Sapnaps favorites colors.
I have painted my nails many times before and it brings me joy and calmness. I like to just focus on my nails and not other things in my chaotic life for a moment.
The first thing I do is to remove my old nail polish. Then I start painting a lot of layers with my chosen polishes so the colors will look extra bright and colorful. To keep the nail polish from damage I put on a clear polish. After that I just have to wait for it to dry. I end up liking the nails a lot!
The rest of the day I spent on just walking around the house, clean a little, cook some food and rinse my wardrobe. Sometimes I take a break and just lay and cry on my bed, screaming Sapnaps name in pain.
I just want my life to end now...
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527 words
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The last month - Karlnap
FanfictionHIGH SCHOOL AU, DSMP/KARLNAP SHIP STORY. "I can't anymore. This is the last month. My whole life, everything is crashing. The 31st may will be my last day of living..." Karl is having problems with dyslexia and depression. His family hates him and h...
