The last month - Karlnap

May 11-Crying on a toilet

Tw/Cw: Depression, Dyslexia, self-hate, mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts

Karl POV:

I sit on the school toilet and hide from Technoblade and his friends. I'm waiting for Sapnap to come.

The phone start finally buzzing and 'Sappyy Nappyy ma boi :)' shows up on my screen. He is finally calling me.

"Hi..." I say.

I'm still ashamed of yesterday that ended in tears and depression. I don't deserve him. I know that but I really, really need him. The best thing to do now is to break up with him. But even the thought of doing that hurts.

"Hey! What's up? Where are you?" He ask worried from the other side of the phone.

I broke down again. Tears start fall down my cheeks. 20 days more with Sapnap before I end it. I can't do it but I have to. To stop my fucking thoughts. To make my family happy. To never see Technoblade and his friends again. No one will miss me. Except Sapnap. Would he miss me? No? No.

No.

"I- I'm on the toilet next to our cl-classroom. P-Please I need you now. Come here..." i whisper and hope Sapnap will hurry.

"I'm coming, stay on the phone"

Sapnaps genuine and comforting voice makes me slightly calmer.

I nod in respond even if he can't see me. I sob out loud in the phone but cover fast my mouth with the fact that people still can hear me here.

Soon I feel a careful knock and Sapnap is saying in to the phone:

"Okay it's me on the door so just open and I hang up here!"

I nob again and unlock the door. I know he can't see me but I don't wanna waist my voice.

A worried Sapnap is walking in and lock the door. He walk directly to me and kiss me repeatedly on my head. Warm arms are hugging me and a quiet mumble is sneaking in to my ears.

"Deep breathes and look at me Karl..." He say and lead my cheeks the way with his fingers.

I do as he say but my eyes can't see him. It's blurry because of the tears. I can't breathe deep either. The sobs choke me.

"Tell me what's happening." Sapnap murmur and start play with my hair with one of his hands.

I can't tell him the truth.

"I- No-...My thoughts are telling me to die. That you want me to die. They are telling me that you hate me... I just sob and hide my face in Sapnaps shirt. The tears making it wet but none of us cares.

"Ooh, my pretty, little, beautiful, funny, amazing boy. I would do anything for you and I would never ever tell you that you should kill yourself! Okay?" I hear his voice crack a little and his eyes gets all watery of tears.

"Okay..." I say but are not convinced.

"He is lying to you!"

When I feel better we walk out from the toilet. We have missed the first class but we doesn't care.

The rest of the day goes great. We have almost the same classes all day and we don't see the football guys on the hole day!

But the thoughts are still not leaving me and even if Sapnap tried to comfort me am I not convinced. Not even close sadly.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
554 words

Thoughts???? Maybe a little boring, sorry about that!

Vote?

I'm tired now so good night but THANK YOU FOR ALL THE READS AND FOLLOWS!!!

Love you all!! ç;