The last month - Karlnap

May 25-Panic attack

Tw/Cw: Panic attack, self-hate (a little bit) and wounds

Sapnap POV:

Two fucking days. When will this endless pain go away? Karl haven't talk to me since he broke up and I have no idea if he ever will do that again.

Yesterday was a boring day. I spend most of it in my bed. I also wrote down things in a notebook. I think people call it "vent book". It was nice. I drew small sketches of my feelings and wrote down words on my mind. It was really relaxing actually.

It's afternoon and I haven't left the bed ONCE since i woke up. Just laying here waiting for...

What?

What am I waiting for?

Karl?

Friends?

To feel better?

I actually don't know.

I pick up my vent book and pull out a side. I'm going to draw exactly whats on my mind. Him.

My pencil fly over the paper and make small lines here and there. Some are hair, some are eyes and some are skin. The results turns out beautiful and it looks very real.

I get up to place the drawing on my desk. I start tear up with the fact that this is the closest i am going to get to Karl. I have to do something. I can't let this happen.

I grab my phone and type in Karls number but my tears are in the way which makes it harder to write. I click on call. Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hello! It's Karl... Sorry I am busy for the moment but I'll call you back later, I promise"

For a second I think it's REAL even though I've heard it a thousand by now, but then I understand it's just the voice mail box.

I feel some sort of anger or sadness raise inside of me. It's probably just a big wave of pain though. I pick up my drawing of Karl and rip it in small pieces that soon rain down on the already messy floor.

"What did I do? I wasn't enough!" I scream out in pain with tears stream down on my cheeks and down on the floor as well.

I pick up a mug from my nightstand and throw it on the floor. A million pieces of porcelain spreads on the floor. I scream in pain again. Pick up a glass with water this time, also from the nightstand and throw on the ground. Water and glass pieces land all over the floor.

I am shaking like crazy and sobs makes it hard to breathe. I feel the blood rushing fast through my body and my heart pound so hard that it feels like my chest will break. I'm all sweaty and now my legs feels weak. I just fall down in a little pile on the floor. I just want a hug.

I just need a hug.

A couple of hours later i wake up it's the middle of the night. I have wounds all over my arms and on my chin because of the glass splitter on the floor.

"I have to clean this up..." I mumble and start pick up all hoodies on the floor.

The rest of the day I spend to clean my room and draw more pictures of Karl. I don't actually know why I destroyed that picture of him because it was really beautiful.

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553 words

So new chapter!! I just want to say THANK U FOR 3K READS!!! I am so happy and I never thought this book would go this well!

Other news is that... I have actually started play among us again. BAHHAHAHAHA idk why tho but yess.

Thoughts of the chapter? I don't actually know how a panic attack looks but something like this ig.

Vote?

Love you all ;D