The last month - Karlnap

May 30-Letters

Tw/Cw: Depression, dyslexia, suicide thoughts, self hate and mention of suicide.

Karl POV:

One fucking day left. Finally. I am sitting beside my desk with three letters in front of me. One for my family, one for Niki and one for Sapnap. Nothing is written on them yet.

I feel empty. No tears are running down my cheeks, no stone in my stomach. I just doesn't feel.

I'm still too scared to write. It's like writing the letters makes me forced too die.

You are already forced to die. Stop it now and just write!

I listen to my voices in my head and start with the first letter. My pen start with dear family on the first letter. First it's hard to come up with ideas what to write, but then I write all letters with a flow.

After finishing tears streaming down on my cheeks and my whole body is shaking. I decide to read them all once.

Dear family.

You wasn't there for me as much as you should've, but I can't blame you. It all was my fault. I was a mistake and I knew that. That's why you're reading this right now. I am dead. I killed myself because I wasn't enough for anyone.

But it's one thing I don't understand. Why did you tell me that my sexuality is a sin? It's not. I know that for sure. I loved Sapnap more than I ever loved you. He was my boyfriend and I hope that if you meet another person with a sexuality other than straight, please be supportive. They'll need it.

Anyways. I wish you good luck even you weren't that family a boy was supposed to have. At least you have Ella and it's her you like the most, isn't it?

/Karl Jakobs

I put the letter down again. Small tears left marks on the paper. I read the next one.

Dear Niki.

You probably didn't know this but I am diagnosed with depression for a while back. My family didn't treat me as good as they should've and when I came out to them they hated me more than before. To be honest was I a mistake so I was probably not even supposed to exist from the beginning. So here we are. You read this because I'm dead. I jumped off the cliff beside the big tree.

We didn't know each other for so long, but I still wanted to write a letter too you. You probably didn't even like me but I really liked you. You were so nice to talk to and I always felt safe with you, even if I only hang out with you two times. Thank you for being my friend.

/Karl Jakobs

The last letter was the scariest one too read. The one to Sapnap. It was the letter that took the longest time to write too. I couldn't consecrate me and started crying all the time.

Dear Sapnap.

Writing this to you is harder than breaking up with you. It's a lot of things I am insure and insecure about, but not you. Almost since I saw you the first time I fell in love. You are the most beautiful, funniest, nicest and best boy I've ever met and I'm so glad you were in my life.

You probably already figured this out but I'm not alive when you read this. I am so sorry for that but it wasn't something you could do about it. I was a mistake, nobody couldn't change that. You made me happy this last month of my life. I've never been this happy before.

I love you so, so much and I'll always will. Even if I'm not here, like alive. I'll still watch you all the time and never stop adore you. You were the best boyfriend anyone could have. Thank you for everything you have done for me.

/Karl Jakobs.

I feel exhausted for some reason. I just wanted to go to bed. I looked at my phone. 11.30 pm. It's time to leave all the letters and then go to the cliff.

I grab my skateboard and the letters. I put on one of Sapnaps hoodies before leaving the house.

It's dark outside and a little bit cold. It's a lot of stars on the sky. The moon is lighting up the street in front of me. I start skating over the empty streets to Nikis house. This made me think of when I met Niki for the first time and was on my way to her house. It felt nice that time. I was on my way to just hang out with my friend. Now I'm doing something very different.

The house is dark, probably no one was awake. I sneak around to the backside. Nikis room is on the second floor. I climb up on a little roof in front of her window. Luckily for me, the window is a little bit open so I just push in the letter in the small hole. I see the little white paper from the outside, getting light up with the moonlight.

Next house, Sapnaps. Tears has started run down my cheeks now. Everything feels so weird. But I know it's right decision.

I don't see a car in front of the house so I guess Sapnap is home alone. That means I can leave it in the front door. I slide it in the small gap between floor and door. Then I run back to my skateboard and go to my last location, ever.

The clock is 11.50 pm and I'm almost at the cliff. I plan to jump at 12.00 am, may 31th.

Sapnap POV:

I'm awake in my bed. Somethings feels off. I can't tell what it is though. Too calm my brain a little I get up to get som water in the kitchen. It's dark in the house and I don't care about turn on the lights.

When I'm in the kitchen I see someone run away from the front door. I get scared at first. Who's that? The person had fluffy hair, an oversized hoodie and was around my height. I walk over to the front door. I don't see anything so I turn around to leave, but then. In the corner of my eye I see something white. A letter? I pick it up and directly I start tear up. I can tell who it is with only the writing style. Karl. I read it slowly. It's hard to see what he has written because the tears are in the way.

I am currently sitting on the hallway floor, resting my back at the front door. Crying. The letter is in my hands, but I've already read it. It's hard to breathe and I try to talk but nothing leave my mouth. My head is like a marshmallow, I can't think of what to to.

Sapnap save him! It's not too late! Hurry.

I get up, suddenly know what to do. I pull out a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants from my wardrobe. Then I run back down and put on my shoes. Were could he be? Which place is special too him?

The cliff. The one with a tree, were me and him had a picnic date. That's the only place I can think of so I start running.

It feels like forever when I finally see it a tree and a young boy. He is standing on the edge of the cliff. Ready too jump.

"KARL!!!"

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

1216 words

OOOOOHH WHAT A CLIFFHANGER GUYS!!! Next chapter is the last one!! Are u exited???

Thoughts on this chapter? Let me hear them!

Vote?

Love you all! :>