Olympus Drive Book 5: Situation Normal

Chapter 40

Ev

"Hey Charon! What's happening?"

"Oh fuck, it's the kids."

"We brought you coins!" Penny calls.

"Oh Styx be praised, it's the kids!"

"Look---I'll pay you---I'll do anything," Adrian keeps trying to walk away.

"Listen, Thrift-Store-Witcher, I am getting paid," I say, shoving him on. He's maybe an inch or two shorter than me, but broader. He might be stronger than me if he were at his peak and healthy but he is not at all. His once thick muscles are bulging past thin, pallid skin.

"Charon---Charon look, please---I just paid you to get out of here, I'll pay you again I'll find you lots of coins," he says, trying to put on the breaks. It doesn't work.

"Did you bring me coin?" Charon, completely ignoring Adrian, walking up to Penny, hand extended, eagerly.

"I brought you---three coins," she says, dropping them into his hand. The thing is, Charon loves all coins so we regularly make him do extensive favors for us, for literal pennies, once I gave him a bag full but it was still like only two dollars. But we've felt kinda bad about that because he's generally helpful. So last time we were in New York we went out of our way and got some nice dollar coins. So Penny gives him three dollars worth. Instead of, you know, three pennies, like we usually do. What? I've been an adventuring hero since I regrettably died at age twelve. It's not like I had a wealth of cash to bribe the ferryman of the dead.

"You see? This is why I like you. Good kids," he says, quite happily.

"No, no please, all of you, I'm begging you, don't take me back," Adrian is still trying to walk away.

"Ah, no, not when I can get coin again when you're trying to escape," Charon starts to haul him into the skiff.

"You might not want to do that," I advise. I'm just going to assume that it violates Charon's contract to ferry people the other way.

"Yeah, we don't want to get you in trouble," Penny says. I think Penny and I care more about getting Charon in trouble than Charon does.

"Ah, it's fine, great way to make extra coin—"

"Of course the heroes are down here bribing Charon of course---- you caught it? Excellent," Penny and I both start as our Uncle Hector, who happens to lord of the realm of the dead, walks up behind us.

"Who me? What are you accusing me of? How dare you?" Charon asks, very self-righteously, "See? You're both witnesses to this---him accusing me straight off—"

"Did you or did you not ferry him OUT of the Underworld to begin with, violating your contract as well as about six different special duties agreements I had you sign AGREEING specifically to leave that mortal where he is at?" Hector asks, pointing at Adrian for emphasis. I feel a bit bad for Adrian now. His eyes are red rimmed and he looks at Hector with complete and utter loathing.

"I am saying nothing without my lawyer present," Charon says, folding his arms.

"You ---realize I have NEVER though you were 'Lawyer Al' when you put on that ridiculous hat incorrectly and spoke in an American accent---"

"Hey, don't you insult my lawyer, who does exist, and is named Al---"

"You also realize I've been invisible on this shore this whole time and heard you admit to the child heroes that you ferried him out to begin with?"

"Ah----"

"Can he turn invisible?" I ask Penny.

"Yes, my dad says he can," Penny says.

"Yes, I can," Hector growls, glancing at us, "Your job is done, go away. I'll handle my employee."

"Ah, letter said deliver to Charon and he's crawling away," I say, pointing to Adrian who is trying to crawl away across the bones. I only say it to be obstinate and because hey, while we're here we might as well chat with Charon for a bit. I feel like he gets lonely. He's not what anyone would call a 'good person' but he's helped me out enough and the way my life is going I'm sure I'll need him again sometime.

"Damn it—Charon go put in him your skiff. Now."

Charon obeys, mumbling something about Lawyer Al who I'm completely convinced is Charon wearing the Sabers cap that I gave Than last Christmas. He was visiting Ari and he always feels like he doesn't look human cause he doesn't because he looks like an avenging angel of death. So. I gave him a baseball hat from my favorite hockey team which is a very weird concept to explain to someone who doesn't understand either sport at all.

"What's going on here---Penny, Ev, what are you doing? Again?" our Aunt Jasmine walks up behind us. She's about as scary as her husband, but in a nice way if that makes sense. Right now she's wearing a black romper with a deep v-neck, and her thick black hair is in a pink ribbon. She frowns at us and then at Adrian. But him? His eyes are on her like a dog on a bird. No, not that. A dog on its master who left it in a cage. Like his only hope of redemption is standing there and he can't speak, just cry. It's okay. I'm the only one who notices tears start running down his face at the sight of her.

"We got hired/blackmailed to catch him," Penny says, pointing at Adrian which is helpful because it would have been valid to think 'him' meant Charon.

"Just some business, it's fine," Hector says, fiddling with his coat.

"He's a mortal," she says, looking at Adrian briefly.

"Yes I know---on with it, Charon."

"He's not dead—why are you imprisoning a living mortal?" she asks.

"Please---," Adrian looks up at her, barely able to choke out the word, "Please, my lady."

"For extensive crimes not the least of which is breaking out of the Underworld by bribing at least two of my employees," Hector says, coolly.

"What crimes?" she asks.

"Committed before your time; he's been down here for over a hundred years, go along Charon," Hector says.

"Please," Adrian just stares at her, like she's walking by him at a shelter and it's his last day. I know this is a lot of dog analogies, but Penny and I have been talking about getting a dog. Or two, or three. We've been discussing if we could bear to separate one from its litter mates due to our own abandonment issues because of our fathers, causing us to need to adopt the entire litter of dogs. Anyway.

"Tell me, what crimes?" Jasmine says, looking at the man a moment.

"Numerous ones, I don't have a complete list. I'll show you in my office," Hector says.

"You wouldn't lie to me?"

"I would not," but he says it like a liar does. I should know. My father is the worlds best liar and my brother's a close second. My mom's no slouch either but she uses her powers for good because she is a good person.

"Penny, Ev, I'll send you on home, thank you," Jasmine says, nodding to us.

"Thank you," Penny says, politely.

"Later, Charon."

We are teleported while Hector sputters and, it could be hard to hear him, it's kind of hard to make out, but I think he says, "YOU HAD BETTER FUCKING NOT SEE HIM LATER!!!"