Basil
The evening is going fine. Just fine. Would be better if Gerard were here. But this is fine. It's not like Stamos just walked up looking like he got set on fire. And even if he did; that's not to do with us.
"I want to get out," Luke growls. Luke is currently in an extra large shirt, all stuffed into it with Thyme. The shirt has 'this is our get along shirt' written on it in sharpie. Thyme is in the rest of it, one arm out a sleeve so he can properly make out with his girlfriend who actually responded to my text and showed up to entertain him.
I'm currently grilling dinner and hoping that that makes kids start showing up. My dad is upside down in a lawn chair, drinking a martini Helen brought him and watching Thyme and Luke. They've tried multiple times to get out of the shirt, but apparently Dara made it, so they can't break it.
"This isn't funny, dad," Luke growls.
"Actually, yes, yes it is, to me," our dad says, sipping the drink through a straw and not getting up.
"Hey slugger, when I said 'does this explode' and you said 'no' what was going through your head?" Stamos asks, hitting my dad's feet to make him sit up.
"What---oh------what's slugger mean?" my dad asks, shying away, "What happened?"
"It's a term of semi-fondness that I chose to use because previously you expressed terms such as 'dumbass' and 'moron' and 'shithead' were triggering to you due to past experiences and were not associated with affection. So, slugger," Stamos says, logically.
"I love it when you two impersonate normal functioning beings," Helen says, sitting on her own chair and watching them with amusement. She has been videoing Luke trying to get out of the shirt.
"You gave me a rock and said it doesn't explode and it explodes? Care to elaborate?" Stamos asks.
"Oh. That. I was hoping you wouldn't have to use it and find out and I figured if I told you it blew up you'd hide it someplace because you don't like being blown up," my dad says, weakly, sitting up properly now, "Just like I don't like being called a stupid idiot so you don't call me that, I don't tell you things are gonna blow up because you don't like that--,"
"We've been over this, multiple times. Nobody. I mean nobody. LIKES being blown up—that is not a peculiar thing that's specific to me. That's a universal thing."
"Couple of the kids act like they like being blown up but go off I guess."
"How do you know 'go off I guess' but not 'slugger'?"
"Again, great job impersonating earthlings you guys," Helen says.
"Slugger makes me think of, you know, slug, like being hit I don't like being hit—,"
"You could call him his fucking name?" Helen says.
"No, also associated with trauma, stay out of it, love," our dad says.
"Fine, I'll think of something else then when I'm not being blown up by things you gave me and said didn't blow up—,"
"I'm sorry, okay! I thought you didn't like being blown up—,"
"So—that is true, I don't like being blown up--—neither does anyone. It's important to me that you know that," Stamos says, fixing the remains of his tie.
"Here, I made you a virgin," I say, bringing him a margarita like I'm drinking, just with no booze.
"Fuck---oh a drink, right," he sniffs it before drinking anyway.
"What did you think he meant?" Helen asks.
"With this family? You have to ask that question? Seriously?" Stamos asks.
YOU ARE READING
Olympus Drive Book 5: Situation Normal
Adventure"Things" are breaking out of the Underworld, Death is missing, a wild boar is on the loose, and there's a murder trial going on. It's situation normal in Winfell as heroes and demi-gods assemble for a boar hunt. Chronologically after all of the Olym...
