Since We're Alone |NH|

Chapter 4

"Okay, what's going on with you?" Mark asked, as he shut the door behind us as we entered his office.

"What do you mean?" I asked, attempting to appear nonchalant.

"Don't play dumb.  It's obvious something is bothering you.  You were barely speaking in that meeting, and when you did, it was one word responses." 

I looked at him and then just broke.  "Maggie is still doing shit."

"Oh, god, Niall..."

"And that's not the worst of it.  She's also apparently been fucking the guy she gets most of her shit from.  As fucking payment, possibly."  I stopped.

"Jesus, man, are you okay?"

I shook my head, unable to form words.  I brought my hands to my face and rubbed my eyes.  "I found out this morning.  I haven't even dealt with it yet.  I don't even know how to deal with it."  Mark just stood there, but I could feel him wanting to say something.  "Go ahead and say it.  Go ahead and tell me you told me so."

"Niall, I would never do that."

"But you should!  You did tell me so!  You and everybody else told me that she was no good.  And I ignored it."

"You liked her.  We all do that when we like someone.  We never want to see that maybe something there isn't right.  Plus, we all liked her in the beginning."

I ran my hands through my hair, pulling on it.  "Yeah, in the beginning, but you guys saw it.  And you tried to warn me but I wouldn't listen.  And, now look at where I am."

I sat down on the sofa, my chest feeling as if it was about to explode. 

"Niall...we all used to like her.  But she's an addict.  And addicts are damn good at acting.  She played us all.  Unfortunately, that's come at a price.  But you have to admit, you've been miserable for a long time.  We've all seen it.  It's why we got concerned about your relationship in the first place.   You're constantly saying how tired you are of fighting with her; how you wish you could trust that she was getting better.  And, more importantly, you've repeatedly asked yourself how much more of this you can take.  I know you want to help her and that you feel as if you're a shit human for not wanting to deal with it anymore.  But, Niall, you have to take care of yourself, too.  You have to come first. At some point you need to put your health and your well-being first."

"I know," I mumbled from my position on the sofa.  "But, I've always been horrible at standing up to her.  How do I do this and not have her convince me that last night was the last time.....again?!"

"I don't know.  But you have to do it.  For your own mental and physical health, you have to do it.  I mean, you keep complaining about how much weight you've gained in the last year.  You haven't been able to write.  We never see you anymore unless it's business related.  When was the last time you did something for yourself?  When was the last time you went out with some friends?"

"Two months ago."

"And why?"

"Because of her."

"Because of her."  Mark paused.  "I hate to say this, but I don't think you know who you are anymore.  Hell, half the time, none of us recognize you anymore.  And, it's because of her.  You don't go out.  You don't trust anyone anymore.  She's done a damn good number on you.  You've got to end this, Niall.  I know ending relationships aren't easy and usually you wait for them to break up with you, but she's bringing this stuff into your house.  She's having sex with someone else.  She lies to you.  She treats you like shit.  I can't even remember the last time I even thought she was nice to you.  Practically everything she ever says to you or about you is condescending.  You know you have to do this.  You know it."

"Oh god," I moaned, realizing something.

"What?"

"We had sex last night.  For the first time in months.  We had another argument about where she was and who she was with.  I called her out on coming home so late and accusing her of being high and not believing who she was with.  She slammed the door and I walked out.  But, when I got back, I had calmed down, I apologized to her, tried to ease the tension and then she did what she always does in order to get me to leave things alone.  Oh god, what if she fucked him and then came home and fucked me?"

Mark made a disgusted face.  "Ew.  You might want to get yourself checked out.  To be on the safe side."

"Ugh, yeah."

Mark sat down next to me.  "How'd you find out anyway?"

"Her phone kept going off this morning and, I don't know, paranoia took over.  I sat in our bathroom reading these texts from these people.  I think she's selling now.  And then I saw her texts with Jason...that's the guy's name...god, the things she said about me.  She fucking hates me and has just been using me.  What if she's been using me this whole time?  What if this whole thing has been some sort of scheme and she never really even liked me?"

"That's a thought for another day.  One step at a time.  Step one - acknowledge that something is wrong.  Check.  Step two - do something about it.  So what are you going to do about it?"

"We live together."

"Place is still technically yours.  Kick her out.  She has no legal rights to the property."

"She's going to try to convince me to let her stay; that she'll change for real this time.  How do I stop myself from wanting to believe her?"

"I'd offer to be there with you but I'm not so sure that's a good idea.  You just have to stick to it. You know that she's hurting more than just herself. You know she needs help but you've done all you can. You can't make her if she doesn't really want to change. You just have to stick to it, Niall, and not let your feelings towards her alter what you know needs to be done. What you know has needed to be done for a long while now."

"I know. Easier said than done, though."

"Aren't they always." Mark paused for a moment. "I do have on idea, if you want to hear it."

"Sure."  I sat there and listened to Mark's idea.  "That's a lot of work to try to do before she gets home."

"Yeah, well, I can help out.  Make the calls you need to make and we'll get this done."

I laid back against the sofa, my eyes closed.  Calming my nerves, I knew what I had to do.  I just had to stick with it.