Since We're Alone |NH|

Chapter 37

Niall's POV

I walked through the front door and could hear the television going.  As soon as I shut the door, heads turned.

"Well, well, well, look who's back," Mully said from the couch, goofy grin appearing on his face.

"Take it you had a good night?" Tara asked, equally goofy grin on her face.  "How was your date?"

"Wait...you were on a date?" Tara's friend, and mine, Britt, asked.

"Yes, and with a great girl!" Mully said, proudly.

"This Tomi's friend?" Britt asked.

"Yep."

"She's super cute," Tara said.

"Really smart," Mully piped in.

"She is," I said, blushing.

"Anyway, he went out last night and this is his first time returning since.  Soooo, did you finally get out of your head?"  Mully asked.

I looked past him at Tara and Britt.  Britt was the only one who looked confused by his question.

"Uhh, yeah," I mumbled before turning around and walking into the kitchen.

Grabbing a water from the fridge I turned to head upstairs to shower and nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Jesus, Tara!  Make some noise or something."

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."  I started to walk past her.  "Hey, um, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"How was your date?  Did she enjoy the dancing?"

I smiled, "Yes, she did.  We both did."  I paused.  "Mully told you, didn't he?  After I left?"

"Yeah, he did.  But, it seems like maybe you got over that fear?"

"I think so."

"What do you mean?"

I looked past her into the living room.  Mully and Britt seemed to be paying attention to whatever they were watching.

"You know you can talk to me, right?  I mean, sometimes a female perspective is more enlightening."

I looked past her again and sighed.

"I think I'm going fucking crazy, Tara.  We had such a great time last night that by the time I got her home, we were all over each other.  It felt great.  I felt great.  She felt great."  Tara made a face, "No, she just...nevermind.  Anyway, as soon as we got to her bedroom, I started hearing Maggie in my head!"

She rolled her eyes before burying her face in her hands, "Oh god, Niall."

"I know.  I know.  I tried to get her out of my head.  I had started comparing Ophelia to her again earlier on in the night---"

"Niall, nooo..."

"I know, Tara.  I'm an idiot, but I managed to get out of my head and be in the present and just enjoy where I was and who I was with.  And it worked!  I really had fun.  Neither of us can dance, and neither of us seemed to care, we just had fun. I really thought I had finally gotten rid of her words.  But, of course, her fucking voice reappeared at the most inopportune time.  And fucking ruined it."

"What do you mean?"  She jumped up and sat on the countertop and waited for me to keep going.

"I mean, I fucked up.  I let her words get to me and ruin the moment for me.  And, you know what makes this worse?  That during all of this, Ophelia continued to prove how amazing she is!"

"How is that a bad thing?"

"It's not.  At all.  She looked confused and a bit hurt; asked me if she had done something wrong, which I quickly cleared up that it was nothing she did."

"Good."

"But, then, instead of questioning me further, it's like she somehow understood.  She got me to calm down and we just fell asleep.  I don't even know how I fell asleep but I guess just having her near me, in some shape or form, calmed me enough so I could.  But, before I fully fell asleep," I got closer to Tara and whispered so no one else would hear, "She said something that was so incredibly sweet and honest." 

I small smile crept onto my face, causing one to appear on Tara's.

"Awww."

"And when we woke up, I thought about what she had said, which I don't think she intended on me hearing.  I think she thought I was asleep when she spoke but, anyway, I tried to open up to her a bit; be honest and open the way I need her to be with me.  I didn't confess anything about Maggie.  I'm too scared to, to be honest.  But, I don't know, she spoke so softly to me, and looked right at me, that everything she said, I believed.  I felt it.  And, I was somehow able to let go.  And I was finally able to--"

I stopped talking, realizing I was probably saying way too much to her.  Tara had a smile on her face, though.

"I'm happy for you, Niall.  She really sounds like someone special."

"She makes me feel special."

Tara's smile got wider.  "Good.  That's how it should be.  Or so they say.  Build each other up rather than tear each other down, right?" 

I nodded.  "Hey, um, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How do I...how do I know if she's..."  I stopped, I couldn't ask my friend this ridiculous question.  "Nevermind," I said, shaking my head.

"How do you if she's satisfied?" Tara asked for me.

I nodded.  "You don't have to answer that.  That's way too personal a question."

"Yeah, it is.  But, Niall, I couldn't provide you the answer anyway.  We're all different.  We all enjoy different things.  Did she not seem happy?"

"No, she did.  I just, I'm still scared.  What if, despite hopefully getting past one bump in the road, I've still got other hurdles?  I just can't seem to shake that feeling that I'm not doing enough."

"Again, I can't answer that one for you, Niall.  Everyone's different.  And Maggie was a bitch.  The only time she got off was when she was dragging you down.  The thrill of destroying you and your sense of self – that's what she got off on.  There was never any pleasing her, on any level.  And I know you know that.  So, just relax, and let yourself live in the moment.  You used to do that, you know.  You used to be more spontaneous; more carefree.  Allow yourself to go back to that.  Allow yourself to be with someone who is actually deserving of that version of you. But..." She paused.

"But what?"

"But I think you should probably tell her about Maggie.  I mean, it sounds like she's been incredibly understanding but that's not going to last.  It wouldn't for anyone.  You're keeping something from her, which is all Maggie ever did.  And, although, you aren't lying to her, you also aren't being fully honest with her, either."

I nodded.  "Hey, uh, you doing anything tonight?  I'm supposed to go sit up at the bar with her in a bit, how about you come along and meet her?"

Tara smiled at me.  "Not tonight.  Plans with Britt.  But, I'd love to officially meet her instead of spying on her."  She laughed a little. 

"Okay, we'll figure out something.  Maybe a barbecue or something soon?"

Tara smiled and placed her hand over mine, giving it a squeeze.  "You just focus on her.  Focus on being the best you for her...and yourself.  She deserves that.  She deserves to have the best version of you.  Especially if she's giving you the best version of her."

I nodded, again.  "Yeah, I know.  And she is.  She's...I don't even know how to describe the way she makes me feel."

Tara smiled at me.  "Then take her hand, Niall, and don't let go."

She gave me a quick hug before heading back out into the living room.