more than i can hold in my heart.

i wish that i could wake up with amnesia

a/n : based on the song amnesia by 5sos (this song is literally my childhood im crying alr) <33

set in s7 (before eli)

×+×+×+×

Ben stared at Miranda from faraway. She was in front of the OR schedules, her eyebrows knitting in a frown.

By the look on her face, he knew he was having trouble trying to lengthen the time she had. He still knew her schedule even after 2 months. Frankly he wanted to erase it from his head but he could never seem to get rid of it.

She was supposed to be picking up Tuck at 4 this afternoon but she had a surgery at 2. If she did finish early, barring complications, she'd still be late. And she really did not want to argue with Tucker again.

If they were still together, he'd offer to pick up the lovely boy instead, but alas, she'd asked him to leave her alone, and that is what he will do. Even if it went against every fiber of his being.

"You're just… too much for me right now."

He closed his eyes, willing to forget the desperation swimming in her tear-filled eyes.

"...tape and glue."

Ben's eyes snapped open and he sat up in his bed. He sighed, wiping his face. His dreams always consisted of her now. Miranda had been invading his thoughts ever since he moved to Seattle Grace but when she left his life, it doubled and she haunted his sleep.

Her red-rimmed eyes, the tight clutch she had on Tuck as he sped away back to her hometown, Baltimore. The memory wailed in the back of his mind all the damned time, and he was sick of it.

He wanted to forget, to just erase all of that. He wanted to flee Seattle, his hometown and forget, because when he looked around, all he could see was her.

Miranda Bailey.

The woman was everywhere. In his apartment making coffee, her laugh echoing in the small space; in his bed, moaning and writhing beneath him; in the hospital, people whispered her name, her voice carried on in the most familiar hallways; she was in his car, holding his hand; at the mall, where they flirted in between the clothes aisle.

Ben closed his eyes and he willed himself to forget.

He willed himself to forget everything about the woman he thought would be his, the woman whose hands were the puzzle piece to his own, the woman whose voice could calm him down, the woman he loved.

As he stared down at the diamond ring encased in a velvet box, he swore if this was all a horrible nightmare, he'd wake up, he'd hold her tight and never, ever let her go.