more than i can hold in my heart.

the snap

a/n : the title said it all

×+×+×+×

It happened in a flash.

One moment everything was fine, then the next, ashes flew by where people were, and everybody was crying and the OR was erupting, because where the hell did the lead surgeon go?

People vanished into thin air, and everybody else perished.

And Ben was all alone.

After the panic, they took a census, and the OR staff plus a couple of residents confirmed it.

Miranda Bailey was one of the Vanished.

And Ben looked at Tuck's eyes as he cried and disappeared into ashes too.

Benjamin Warren went from a man with a family, to being completely alone.

×+×+×+×

The days passed by like a montage. And he didn't really like this one.

The skies were brighter, but the atmosphere was gloomy. The seas were clearer, but the mourning, and the tears shimmered in everyone's eyes.

Tucker had died in a car accident the day of the Snap, which was two years ago now. The driver behind him Vanished, and he was caught in the accident.

In every city, there was a shrine. To the Vanished, to all the people lost in the aftereffects of the battle with Thanos.

But it's always too crowded, and there's always someone beside you, behind you, or on the other side of the stone, so Ben doesn't go there.

Instead, he had his personal, little shrine for his wife and son.

Elena came by from time to time, and joined him in silence. William was a victim of the Snap too, and they only had each other.

They ate and talked sometimes, but nothing helped.

Miranda was gone, Tuck was gone, William was gone.

The hospital, even with brand-new interns, seemed emptier too. Meredith Grey, Jackson Avery, Jo Wilson, Owen Hunt, Arizona Robbins, and several others were gone. The hospital almost crashed with all of the brilliant doctors gone, but Richard Webber and Catherine Avery - although depressed and lonely - took it upon themselves to rebuild, to mold more surgeons to recuperate - never replace - all the loss they have had.

Ben sometimes goes to OR where he proposed to Miranda. The interns are shiny, but they have been toughened by the years that have passed. There's no need to beat them up, not when they knew firsthand how much lives cost - and how it would never be replaced.

The first time he'd visited the hospital, he'd broke down crying. The halls seemed empty without the boss in charge, without someone screaming about the idiot interns or squealing because of a groundbreaking surgery.

He moved to Seattle Presbyterian. At least there, he wouldn't be reminded of the short, stubborn woman he loved with all of his being.

Ben moved to another house too. He kept the house on 1017 Hawthorne Avenue, but he couldn't bear to enter it anymore. It smelled too much of Miranda, and Tuck's laughter echoed throughout the walls.

Another year passed, and he'd tried to get out there again, to date. Never to find someone else, but… to just try and live, the way Miranda would've wanted.

Nobody ever stood out to him.

The women always seemed too tall, too shy, too thin. He'd even met a woman who had also lost her husband - Leslie - and the date had turned into a friendly lunch. He still talked to her from time to time.

He missed his wife. He missed the way she always put his arms above his neck, even if she almost always needs to tiptoe. He missed the way she always had something to say. He missed the way she took risks with him, even if it wasn't in her nature. But she did it anyway, just because she loved him.

Ben missed all of that. And his heart always yearned for her.

×+×+×+×

Two years passed, and he still missed her.

Not a day went by, when he saved all of these patients' lives, that he wished it was Miranda he had saved.

If he only knew, then he'd hold her tight and he'd knock off Thanos' ass himself.

Then the day came, and he didn't know what happened, but he was visiting Grey-Sloan, and he was at OR 3, watching a stunning, groundbreaking surgery, when people started to appear out of nowhere.

Confusion ensued every single one of them, and when he finally understood. Alll of these people were the Vanished - now returned - he looked down, and behold, still in her OR gear and scrubs, Miranda Bailey stood on a stool, confused to all hell.

His breath was knocked away from him, and tears blurred his vision, but it was like he was on autopilot. His legs drew him to the exit. Before he knew it, he was there, with a mask over his mouth, and he was hugging this familiar body.

"Oof!" He heard him say. He sniffled, and he buried his face into her neck, and he started crying. "B-Ben!"

"Miranda." He spoke her name after so long, and it felt good, it felt right.

Their peace was soon interrupted by machines beeping, and he dragged the dazed Miranda out of the room. The other ones who returned also followed, led by Dr. Garcia, a resident.

Everyone else faded into the background as Ben looked into Miranda's soft, chocolate brown eyes.

"What happened?" She asked, exasperated. She pulled her mask off, as well as her gown and gloves. "T-There's… I mean, one moment I was operating and then I started to feel like my hand wasn't there. That's- I mean, that's crazy, right? I looked down, and it's ash. And then when I woke up, I was... here." She looked up at him confused. "And... d-did you grow old? You have white hair." She chuckled, reaching for his face.

Ben started crying again, feeling her soft hands on his skin. He didn't think he'd get here again. Well, unless he died.

But here she was, standing right in front of him - alive.

"A lot happened," he laughed. "And I was a widower."

Miranda frowned. Her mouth opened and closed. His phone vibrated against his leg. He looked down to see Tuck's phone number.

He grinned and answered it. "Tuck, h-hello, Tuck? Where are you?"

"Dad! Dad, where are you? I'm at school. Mom's phone… it's not working, I can't reach it. And t-they said we were gone for five years. They said to pick us up. I'm - I'm confused. What's happening?" The teen's frantic voice came from the other side.

"Hey, hey. I'll be right there. Don't panic." He hung up, and he looked at Miranda, who looked like she was going through a panic attack. "Miranda, Miranda, hey, baby. I'm here. W-We're good."

"W-Widower." She got out through her shaky breaths. "I… I died?"

Ben gathered her in his arms. "Calm down, baby, calm down." He pressed a kiss on her temple. "You're alright, okay? You're alright."

"I am so confused."

"I know, but I'm so glad you're here. God, I love you. I love you so much." He kissed her lips for the first time in 5 years, and he'd be damned if he let another alien with a fucked up chin take his baby away.