more than i can hold in my heart.

la douleur exquise (1)

a/n : i am so relieved that i have finished this. this oneshot is the longest i've ever written (total : 12,364 words) and i don't even know why i just didn't put it as a whole story, but i'm glad i reached a new record for my longest oneshot. i did put it into two parts because it got too long, but i still consider it as a oneshot if that makes sense. (i'll post the second part in a day or two !)

this fic is about hanahaki disease, which is a pretty common trope for gay ships, especially bxb, but this has so much potential in it. i've written one for a gay ship, and it is posted in my ao3 account (luvdarkstars) and i thought i'd try it for benley too. 

disclaimer ! the medicine is half-assed bc hanahaki disease is a fictional disease (i just added that it's genetic so it can look legit) and i know nothing about medicine, not yet at least. anyway enjoy !

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Hanahaki Disease

(花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese))

is a disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible if left untreated. Hanahaki can be cured through surgical removal of the plants' roots, but this excision also has the effect of removing the patient's capacity for romantic love. It may also erase the patient's feelings for and memories of the enamored. It can also be cured by the reciprocation of the victim's feelings. These feelings cannot be feelings of friendship but must be feelings of genuine love. Genetic risk factors are the number one reason associated with this development.

When Ben was young, his favorite uncle died. He'd never forget the confusion he felt when his father told him that Uncle Ken had been terribly sick, and that his heart couldn't take the strain and he just... died.

He was only 10 years old then, but it didn't make sense. He'd seen Uncle Ken two days before, and he looked perfectly healthy. He kept coughing, but the flu couldn't kill you, could it? Maybe the doctors were wrong. He said that to his dad, but the older man had only sighed, and told him to sit down. He was going to tell him a little story.

Robert Warren told him the story that would change his life forever.

"There was a man named Lucas," his dad started.

Ben was still confused. He didn't understand why he was getting storytime. He frowned. "Dad, I—"

"Lucas," Robert cut him off with a stern stare. Ben closed his mouth and pouted. "Lucas had always been told by his father to be careful. Their family suffered from a curse. Each and everyone in their family line are in danger. Lucas didn't believe him, so he wasn't careful."

Ben was suddenly interested. He straightened his back and his eyes widened. "What kind of curse?"

"The hanahaki curse."

"What does that mean?"

Robert hummed thoughtfully. "It means throwing up flowers."

Ben scrunched his face up. "That sounds dumb."

"But it isn't. It's a painful disease." He warned. "Hanahaki is a genetic disease they had. For their whole lives they have to stop themselves from falling in love. Do you know why?" He asked, and Ben shook his head, completely enamored. "Because if the woman they love doesn't return it back, a flower would grow from their heart."

"A flower?"

"Roots and stems and all." Ben frowned. He didn't like planting, but his mom did have a garden, and when she asked for help, he always saw how messy roots are. "I know, right? It's gross, and painful."